30 Day writing Challenge: Day 12- Bullet your whole day

Yesterday I was going back to Delhi from Pune. Pune is where my friends are and where I did my schooling from, Delhi is where my mother just moved to and where my college is. I had gone to Pune for my vacations, for about 10 days. I was in the train yesterday, I reached Delhi around 11:00 PM.

• 12:00 AM – Was reading Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
• around 12:45 AM Went out of my compartment for a smoke
• Kept calling people for Worldcup updates
• Read a chapter of Midnight’s Children by Rushdie
• 1:30AM got off at Chalisgaon junction, for a minute to buy some water
• Ignored the stares and swore to always buy 10 bottles of water in broad daylight
• Ran towards to train because the stupid piece of shit began moving
• 1:35 AM – Listened to some black keys
• Cried some for Spain, wondered about how could netherlands underperform like that.
• around 2:15ish – sat at the door and cried for Pune and for those people I call friends
• Enjoyed the last of Rain and the cool breeze because Delhi summers can kill you
• Went back to my seat, listened to some oasis and Nirvana till 4:00 and eventually dozed off

• woke up around 11:00-11:30, smoked a cigarette
• Went back to sleep because I wanted to daydream somemore about the so-called-new-found-love of my life.
• Woke up at 12:45 to Pee and eat a little something. 
• Had some blue lays, checked my phone for texts from my terrible friends (there weren’t any)
• Went back to sleeping and daydreaming
• Woke up again, had some mango juice
• smoked another cigarette, took a dump
• Finished the book Into the Wild 
• Started watching Into the wild – The movie
• Watched twenty minutes of it, didn’t feel like it
• re-watched 500 days of summer
• Read some midnight’s children
• Had some mint chocolate, okay A LOT OF MINT CHOCOLATE (note: I don’t like mint chocolate but It’s like this compulsion where you have one and you need to have another few hundred milk chocolates. ya’know? )
• Walked about the train, spoke to a few people
• stared at a couple getting all coupley. hehehehhehehehhe. luls. PDA IS AWESOME! 
• Played with a couple of kids. They had clay and were making shiz with clay so yea, I joined them. I LOVE CLAY. I LOVE KIDS.
• Spoke to a  woman my  ma’s age who had a daughter my age. (I had a lot of mutual friends with her daughter too. Whoooop. This is such a small world!) 
• She kept saying things, my ma would say and kept telling me how people my age usually are and how I’m slightly off. (she didn’t say this in words but yes, she almost nearly said it)
• Learnt a lot from her about the workings of a mother’s mind. 
• Cried some for Spain. 😐
• Applauded the performance by other “apparently weaker” countries. Damn this worldcup is SO EXCITING. 
• Waited for Delhi, as the train was running late by 2 hours.
• smoked another cigarette, breathed in the HOT north Indian air.
• Dozed off again while that woman watched seven pounds on my Laptop (I’ve never seen seven pounds.)
• Woke up, unchained my bag, packed my stuff, waited some more for Delhi
• Kept calling people for the world cup updates
• Reached Delhi at 10:30 PM
• Hitched a ride with this other woman I’d been talking to
• She was going where I lived
• Went across the city with her and her brother
• spoke to Them, learnt a lot about rich people and how they make money.
• 11:20 PM Got off near my place, smoked some and walked back home. 
• Met my DOG after 11 days! 😀 
• met my ma and brother after 11 days
• Ate Ghar ka khana (a Home cooked meal) and whined about how hot it is in Delhi
• Started watching the Match. 

 

30 Day writing challenge – Day 11: Shuffle your Music Player and 12 songs that pop up

Day 11: Shuffle your Music Player and 12 songs that pop up

I’ve also attached the links to these songs, if anyone is interested. 🙂

 

1. With a little help from my Friends – Beatles

2. Falling slowly – Glen Hansard

3. Banao Banao – Papon

 

4. Hello, I love you – The Doors

5. Betterman – Pearl Jam

6. The man comes around – Johnny cash

7. All we ever do is say goodbye – John Mayer

8. Here comes a regular – The Replacements

9. Bruised orange – Bon Iver

10. Going to California – Led Zeppelin

11. Have love will travel – The Black Keys

12. Hallelujah – Rufus Wainwright

30 Day challenge: Day 10 – Discuss your first love and first kiss

Day 10 – My first love and first kiss

I’m grinning like an idiot right now. heh. heh. heh.
My first love, I was like 9th grade and it was the 2nd day of school. I was new to that school and during the assembly there was some singing competition and the tall, almost pretty guy sang and played the piano (yep, I’ve a thing for musicians) and 9 months later we started dating. HE blew me off, that boy. He was gorgeous and messed up ( well, who doesn’t have a thing for beautiful, brooding musicians?) It was a whirlwind, We would meet everyday, would talk every second of every day.
I remember it was one day before the new years and we were alone at my place. We were standing in front of the mirror, comparing our heights and the he just held me by my shoulders, bent a little and kissed me. I felt my tummy burst, my knees crumble, my ears ring. I remember those 27 seconds in high definition.
It was everything – the butterflies, the stardust.

He was dramatic, moody, loving, over-possessive, secretive, messed up and that crazy enigmatic smile that would make this world come to halt. The perfect recipe for a beautiful diaster. .I told him everything I possible could, concocted a few impossible stories too and he believed them. He noticed me, the things I’d say, the people I’d meet. After all these years of being bro-zoned, of being the ‘go-to-when-in-trouble friend’ I existed for someone, as a girl. He thought I was pretty despite my unibrow 😛

He would sing for me and walk out of the room when he didn’t like that I was spending too much time with the ‘other guys’, he’d speak to me every night before I would sleep and if I’d forget to call him, hell would break loose. He would threaten to beat people up and kiss me every chance he got. He would hold my hand around my parents and sit with my mother and crib about me. He used to help me cook, clean and he would play the guitar for me.
Now that I look back, I think It were the hormones talking. We were together for almost five glorious months till things changed and I broke up.

He became cold and indifferent, He was so cold that nothing I did could thaw the ice in his heart.
I broke up and a few weeks later found out that he had been cheating on me and had patched things up with his ex and was almost sleeping with her. It took 8 months of tears, a rebound, another few months of crying and lot of chicken, coke and chocolate to get over it and a part of me is still tender.
We are still friends I met him last december after a few years, He is still self-centered but he noticed the small things, still careless but would take care of you. Due to the ugly aftermath of the break up, I’d forgotten the happy bits but when I met him, I remembered Why I was head-over-heels crazy in love with that boy and it made me realise that everything isn’t black and white.

Looking back I realise that he wasn’t a bad person, he just did a bad thing. I’m not defending what he did, It was wrong, I know but despite that I feel he is a great guy and he made me very happy while I was with him. It’s just that his universe revolved around him and so did mine but it’s fine, I’ve learnt and he is happy with someone else, I wonder about the poor girl though. His mood swings were a little hard to handle.
It was good, while it lasted.
He had beautiful hands and a face that could brighten up or cloud over anyday.

30 day challenge : day 9 – Views on sex

Day 9- Views on sex sex. sex. sex.

 

Food. water. air. Sex

Right now, the only thing that comes to my mind is how much I miss it. Christ. Sex in my opinion is sacred, because it is so beautiful.

I don’t think losing one’s virginity is a very big thing. It’s big, alright but more often that not people blow things out of proportion and give it unnecessary importance. I mean, what the hell. Your hymen, it’ll break eventually but yes, I do believe if and when one decides to have sex he/she should not regret it 10/20 years down the lane. Regretting it the next morning or a year later is one thing but regretting it when you grow up, when you grow older is heartbreaking not just about your hymen-breaking. You shouldn’t regret it. When you look back, it must make you smile. That’s how I feel. Damn right, you should be proud of it.

 

I fail to understand why is it such a taboo- sex. Having sex, talking about it. It’s fine for people to have secret porn stashes but the same people don’t tell their kids what it’s all about. Sex is a biological process for lord’s sake. You need to eat. You need to breathe in Oxygen (not pure oxygen! ). you Need to drink water. You need to have sex. And it’s not only to reproduce. I’m not saying have sex when you are 12 or something, wait for a bit but I think putting sex up on a pedestal is foolish.

Sex is good, It’s the reason why I’m sitting here ranting about the world and the reason you are sitting there are reading this imaginary audience. You want to wait for the right guy/girl, Go ahead! I’m all for it, you don’t want to wait for the right person, Go ahead! I’m all for it. Sex is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It makes me happy. Sex with himself made me really happy. Sex with a guy other than himself also made me really happy. But the problem arises when you confuse sex with feelings, It’s not necessary the person you are having sex with will like you or love you. More often than not it will fizzle out. One needs to be honest to oneself about what’s going on. Sex is a beautiful, messy, crazy thing as long as it is consensual but yes, it does complicate things. It’s amazing but complicated both biologically and emotionally. It can wreck a havoc in someone’s mind and when you do it for the first time or after really long peeing will hurt for the next few hours. It has always complicated things for me.  More often than not I make the mistake of getting involved emotionally and then it gets messy and tissue papers are useless when it comes to this kind of messy.

 

 

Anyway, I hope imaginary audience, that you get some if you want some and I hope you enjoy it as much!

Day 8: The moment I felt most satisfied with my life

The Moment I felt most satisfied with my life, Today’s Challenge made me smile like a retard. Isn’t it weird that we run behind such monumental things all our lives only to be content with the tiny ones, It’s the small things that make a difference.

Small things and Big money. ( The Clash between the idealist in me and the struggling-student-in-a-third-world-country in me is crazy)
The moment, The moment when I felt satisfied. MOST SATISFIED but not exhilarated, or exuberant, The moment I felt truly content was sometime last December. Oddly enough it wasn’t when I got my tattoo, or got a kick-ass college or when I got a car ( luls. because I don’t have a car :P) or even post-mindblowing- sex. I did feel satisfied but … It was sometime last December.
I went back to Pune, the city I completed my last two years of schooling from (also grade 6,7 and 8) The city where my brother and mother were and where my friends still are.  So I went back home after my Semester end exams.

One day, out of the blue I planned to go over to a friend’s place for the night, her mother was going to be out of town and we had planned to call our friends over get drunk or high, or both and just chill and catch up.  (Note: This was also the night when I puked for the first time after drinking, I drink a lot but don’t puke. I’d never puked before that and have never puked after that. It was just a sudden whiskey shot {I hate shots!} and it just came up and I puked in my hand, splattered some on my friend’s face too but hey! It’s okay, right?)

We sneaked the guys in around mid-night, they had to jump over a hedge and everything, in order to hide from her neighbours. So by 1-1:30 we had finished a bottle of whiskey
and were done with the second round of joints. With their inhibitions low, one of them was sitting on her bed-crosslegged staring at the wall, my musical friend was strumming on his
guitar, the third one was crushing some stuff for the bong and giggling, another was playing with my hair and pulling it, while I sat on the floor in the weird way that I sit while my friend whose house it was leaned against the wall, her clothes falling off her, her gorgeous hair spilled all over laughing at us.

And then, my musical friend started strumming ‘sutta ‘ (sutta is Hindi, or modernised Hindi for cigarette) , it’s like Indianised, explicitised collegey Summer of 69 or something on those
lines It’s legendary that song!, anywho he started playing it, humming alongside and all of us started singing with him on the top of our lungs. We were screaming (we weren’t supposed to because the neighbours could hear everything and my friend, along with all of us could get into trouble) but we sang. we sang all three verses, the chorus, the guitar riff and we smiled at each other, and we laughed. And God, in that moment I swear we were infinite. It felt so pure and simple. I have sung songs in my hoarse voice hundred of times, but there was something about that moment. I remember looking at each one of them, individually and I could feel them and see the spark in their eyes.
They felt it too, I hope. Jesus, I was content. satisfied. Happy. I wasn’t with all of my ‘official best friends’ (I’m lame, that way.) but was with some of the best of my friends,
I was in a room full of people I loved, I love with all my heart and soul.

I forgot, we forgot about things. About pending assignments, getting screwed, our parents finding out about our whereabouts, about the unpredictable future and deteriorating grades, about hating college and not having girlfriends or boyfriends.
We were high, high enough to feel things we hadn’t felt but not high enough to zone out (that happened later that night!) so that amplified our emotions, but good lord I felt like charlie, when he heard the tunnel song. I had this fleeting thought, where I realised how content I was there, in that moment and that place, It was then and there that I realised that it was home, that those people were home.
That moment was home.

We didn’t do anything monumental, we almost got into very serious trouble, we didn’t do anything illegal (ok. heh. underage drinking and substance abuse doesn’t count.
occasional, recreational drug abuse is okay. okay?) We were just a couple of 18 year olds, with an old guitar and no adult supervision.

And In that moment, I swear we were infinite.

Day 7: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality

I don’t care about Zodiac signs, I’m a Virgo. I know that, beyond that I am clueless about Zodiac signs and I do not believe in them.
My mother on the other hand is a horoscope-fanatic. In a country like mine, where your horoscope is more important than your achievements
I can understand where her fascination stems from.
According to her, she just thinks that it is ‘interesting’ If you insist Ma, If you insist.
Having said that, According to my mother Virgos are painful and unbearable. Her experience with Virgos seems highly limited because I’ve been her only case study and she needs to have a bigger sample study (I’m trying to be all scientific because it’s anything but sciencey, so it’s funny. I’m sorry for my terrible sense of humour). when I told her this, she asked me to look around and see if I know Any ‘Normal Virgo’ (What is normal?) And now, as much as I hate to admit I agree with her because All my friends who were born around my birthday Are a Pain in the Ass, but then I realisIt’s not funny how much they whine and I am the Queen of whiners! So I’ll try not to be painful and unbearable, because I don’t want to be another statistic especially not when it comes to zodiac signs. I mean where is the damn logic?

Also, According to some other people I asked Virgos are obnoxious, loyal (not-promiscious was what they said) and very clean and tidy. And oh, get a load of this they are perfectionists. heh. heh.
Oooops.

I don’t sound very virgo-like. Obnoxious and painful, yep. I admit. But Let’s be honest here Most people my age are unbearable, Most PEOPLE Are unbearable of whichever age.

I personally feel that it;s VERY Stupid, but hey! If it floats your boat then why not! But I’ve a problem with people meeting me, asking me my name and the second thing they want to know is my birthday to gauge my Zodiac sign. It’s infuriating! Why don’t you see for yourself what kind of a person I am, instead of generalising it?
Anywho, I shall read up on Zodiac signs and see if it proves to be correct or if it’s just lucky guesswork.
Will keep you updated Imaginary audience.
Let me know if you think your zodiac sign fits your personality.
Ciao. 😀

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 6 – Write thirty interesting facts about yourself

1. I have a tiny little mole on my right breast. ( I have no idea why this was the first thing that came to my mind!)

2. I can sleep for over 72 hours at a stretch ( I only need to pee once every 24 hours and a bottle of water next to me)

3. My feet are always dirty. Always. whoop.

4. I detest Starbucks, Costa Coffee and all these super-commercial, super-trendy franchises. I prefer street food. Oh. Oh. Oh and I don’t like I-phones

5. I spend all my money on books, food, lingerie and alcohol. I don’t buy clothes or go to movies like normal people

6. I have a type when it comes to guys. I like them tall, dark and lanky. Yes. Honestly. I have a type.

7. I love lemonade and Water. I love Lemonade and water more than half of the people I am friends with on facebook

8. I can finish a bottle of Whiskey in one hour fifteen minutes and not puke. I’ll just go to sleep.

 

9. I want to fly a plane, drive a train, own a harley davidson, drive a metro, an auto and a truck

 

10. I really really want to meet Eddie Vedder and touch his face. Like touch it, repeatedly. And run my fingers through his hair.

 

11.  I can not lie. I used to, once upon a time I used to lie even when I didn’t have to but not anymore. I can’t. And even When I lie it’s written all over my face that I am lying.

 

12. I like Literotica but have never read mills and boons or 50 shades of grey

 

13. I want to join the politics and travel the world which is impossible unless I steal tax money and use it to travel the world. (hmm. Sounds like a good idea!)

 

14. I swear a lot. In Many languages.

15.  I really want to have sex on the kitchen slab. Really.

 

16.  I have a terrible sense of humour and  I crack really lame jokes but it doesn’t stop me.

17. I really want to be good at math. I feel the day I understand calculus is the day I’ll solve all the mysteries of the universe. Which I know is really stupid, but hey!  A girl can dream.

 

18.  I know who Syd Barrett is.

19.  I’m hypocritical when it comes to smoking

20. I love the chase. I LOVE THE THRILL OF THE CHASE and yes I can admit it. The real-deal is something that I’ve never experienced, and mostly when that stage arrives I’m already bored and feel trapped and hence, I bail.

 

21.  I love music. Like everyone, I love music. I love music. I listen to classic rock, post rock, progressive rock, country, jazz, pop, trashy pop, cheap D-grade hindi songs and everything in between. I’m the kind of person who would shuffle through my playlist and play a song while I’m face-to-face fighting with someone, because I feel every situation needs a background score, and I try my level best to achieve that. Music like chilly improves everything. Be it sex or a fight (it’s the same thing in some cases!) If you have any music suggestions pleeeease drop in a comment.

22. I sleep with my underwear on which is weird apparently.

 
23. I can not make out or have sex or sit in a room without music. Wait, I think I’ve already mentioned this. eh. Sorry.

 

24. I rebel against almost everything. More often than not it’s unintentional, It’s very hard for me to come to terms with anything and I end up questioning almost everything a little too much which can be a bit of a problem. sometimes. okay, It’s almost ALWAYS a problem.

25. I HATE COLLEGE. Most college going students LOVE college or sometimes the idea of it, I absofuckinglutely loathe the very concept of college and let’s not talk about how horrid I think that place is. Pretentious people who can only talk about these “so-called-intellectual” things, They are such pseudo-everythings. Christ.

 
26. I don’t like making friends, I honest to god don’t like making new friends. I have too many friends to begin with and it’s hard enough keeping a tab on them, so yes. I don’t like making new friends and the fact that I’m anti-social doesn’t help, It just aggravates the situation. As a result I’ve only half a friend in college and I’ve been here for almost a year. Just half a friend.

 

27. You know what do I love to eat? Nails. Fingernails. I’ve not used a nail cutter to cut my fingernails in over ten years. Yep. Disgusting. I know. I grow them and then eat them. Nails. Yumm.

28. I am super-possessive about my friends and family, LIKE SUPERRRR possessive. And protective. Also, I love taking care of people and worry a little too much when someone is sick or injured.
29. i like washing utensils and clothes but can’t keep my cupboard organised or my room clean

 

 

30. I have slept with two guys, Was in love with the first and I’m half in love with the second one. Unfortunately for me both of them are unaware of it.

 

 

I had made a list like this sometime last year, here’s the link imaginary audience.

https://starspebblesandcolours.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/things-about-me-which-i-thought-were-normal-but-arent/

Day 5 – A time you thought about ending your own life

Imaginary Audience I can assure you , this is going to be super-depressing. You may bail right now, or halfway through it eitherways I will never find out.

Disclaimer: I like to dramatise things a little, please ignore my theatrical skills ( read: the images)

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So, A time when I thought about ending my own life. I’ve had very many moments where I’ve thought of ending my life, sometimes I know I’m kidding other times I’ve to convince myself that it will pass. I’m self destructive, have always been so though in the recent past I’m trying really hard to curb this habit, but as you know Imaginary Audience Old habits are harder to break than Iron Bars. Anywho, the moment I read today’s challenge some instances clicked and I’ll mention them briefly.

Through grades sixth, seventh and eighth my father’s friend sexually abused me whenever he visited us, touched me inappropriately, try to kiss me etc etc, So this once in eighth grade he was staying over at our place and I was sleeping in the next room while my brother and my parents slept in the third room, So that night he tried to get inside my bed and tried to force himself upon me. I managed to bite him, hit him and kick him out of my room but the horror never left. That night I wanted to kill myself.

Then once in the ninth grade my parents were fighting and I know parents fight and my parents fight a lot and things got uglier than ever and I was taking care of my younger brother, picking up things my father was breaking, trying to console ma, hoping that the neighbour’s wouldn’t hear and I remember sitting in the toilet wanting to die, wanting to kill myself.

Then this once I was travelling alone to Jodhpur in the train and Was sitting at the door, while the door was open (yes, here in India you can open the train door and smoke, spit, stare or whatever) and the sun was setting and I felt sad ( I think my abandonment issue were acting up, the fuckers!),  but content because I was in a beautiful place and I realised that I could never see all the beautiful places and the future seemed bleak with my depressing college full of snobs, the deteriorating state of music, lack of talent ( I can’t even breathe properly sometimes let alone walk straight) and I would rather burn out than fade away and I wanted to die. I was sad but content and all of sudden I Couldn’t breathe and I was heaving and crying and I felt tired, I felt as though I was forty at eighteen and it was depressing.  You know the need to make your mark, to debate and fight for the right, the need to do the correct thing, I think I left it in that train that day.

I think that was the day I lost my life, the ambition I had in me. I threw it out of the train with my cigarette bud. That was the day I realised how very menial we are, we are nothing but pricks on the planet and we are as likely to help the universe as we are to harm it ( Johngreenreference ) I didn’t want to change the world, or destroy all nuclear weapons, I just wanted to be. I have never recovered. I’m still that girl sitting there, staring at the sunset with the cigarette between my fingers feeling insignificant. It was that epiphany that changed me. Sometimes I still wish I had followed my instinct that day because I’m a disappointment to the society and my lack of interest in the world worries my parents, but then here I am.

Here I am with these mosquitoes sucking the living daylights out of me, with some good, new music in the background. That’s it for now.

30 DAY WRITING CHALLENGE: DAY 4- YOUR VIEWS ON RELIGION

“Religion is easy”

 

I dislike studying Indian History, I don’t mind reading it and I love knowing things but studying Indian History was something I was always terrible at. I could never remember the dates or the ‘key words’. Though despite that ‘Mughal History’ was something that I always liked. So today my best friend and I went to Jama Masjid ( which to quote wikipedia is the ‘Principle Mosque of Old Delhi’.) My best friend is in town so I took her to Chandni Chowk to have some kick-ass food (read: Kebabs. Delicious, delicious Kebabs :’D) and show her around. She being a history buff has this need to go and visit all the monuments possible and Delhi being Delhi, she was thrilled. Let’s fast-forward, We were standing outside Jama Masjid but were reluctant to enter because we didn’t have anything to cover our heads with, so we were wondering what to do. There was this old man standing next to the gate, he was selling skull caps and other souvenirs, so we asked him if we could enter the mosque without covering our head. He told us that you can buy something from me to cover your head but it’s up to you, We were broke so we asked him if we absolutely had to cover our heads because despite being not-so-religious, hurting religious sentiments wasn’t our aim and the place was too gorgeous to be disrespectful.

 

Anywho, that learned ancient man said something I’ll never forget, He said “Religion is easy” (” Dharam Aasaan hai beta”) and I realised maybe for him it is, maybe it is all about his god for him. In that moment it did seem simple. Maybe it is. I’m not sympathizing with people who commit atrocities in the name of religion here, I think they do not deserve to live (well, some of them) but the idea that maybe it is simple and we being the complex beings that we are, we like to complicate it, abuse it, politicize it, misinterpret it.

Yes, there are religious texts which say some horrid and strange things and I fail to understand the logic behind them, but you don’t have to take everything literally. We all enter this world and we leave it, and we get one shot to do all we want. Who knows if we will ever reincarnate or Attain Nirvana or Go to Heaven or Hell or anything, Why can’t we just want to be happy?

Why can’t we try and be a little more content with what we have, because Honestly, It does make things easier.

“Earth to earth, Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes”

“For Dust you are, to Dust you’ll return”

Yes, I’m quoting the Bible here (i’ve not read it) but this is what all religious texts say, mean.

All we are is a Dust, and Dust is what we’ll ever be. We’re tiny speckles of dust in the universe, we are pricks in this universe. We can never help or harm it, all we can do is try and be happy and bring some happiness to others.

Right now, Today the biggest day of the staggered Indian Elections, A quarter of the Indian Population voted. 815 million people voted, My country a country which runs on religion. Where Religion is politics and Politics is religion, the greatest democracy in the world, might be run by someone who doesn’t believe in Secularity, which in itself is a very scary thought. Not that the oh-so-secular government did any wonders, except maybe wonderfully stealing money from we the people but in a country as diverse as this, An irrational, mass-murdering bigot can not be made to sit at the center. I’m very worried because whatever the outcome, people will suffer and the purpose of democracy is lost because how can you choose between three options one of which is happy being complacent, no not complacent but invisible, saying nothing, doing nothing barring stealing Tax payers’ money; the other one which promotes one religion, (runs on a philosophy which has lost it’s essence over the centuries and has been turned into this crap ass shite which they think is justified for killing people) is intolerant, STUPID ( I mean it, I mean he wanted to declare war on a neighbouring country because 3 Jawans lost their life, I’m not defending their action but killing hundreds of thousands,’ claiming to have declared war if you were in power’ because you are too egotistical and irrational to come up with something reasonable is being stupid. I would like to ask you Mr., Would you have said the same if those Jawans weren’t Hindus?) and crude; the third option is of choosing an Idealist, an anarchist in some ways, An oppurtunist like Nehru some might say, a man who was strong enough to resign instead of giving in and giving up his ideals, but a man who is also not a competent leader. So where does that leave us? The greatest democracy in the World, a country of over 1.2 billion people? What do we do?

Sorry for the rant, From history to jama masjid to religion to Indian politics. Eh. Imaginary Audience, There’s a lot going on in this head. My sincere apologies.

LOVE 😀

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 3 – Your views on drugs and alcohol

Day 3 – Your views on drugs and alcohol

Drugs and Alcohol unfortunately are a very integral part of a teenagers life in the present day scenario. For an average teenager it doesn’t matter if you do drugs or consume alcohol, It is a major part of your life in someway or the other- either your friends are abusing it, or your dad is drinking too much, or you use it to escape the crowd, or you do it when you succumb to the peer pressure. But then there are some- like me.

Yes, I consume alcohol and I know I’m underage (since the legal age to drink in my country in 25 ) and I’ve done weed thrice. I don’t know if it’ wrong or right, I didn’t do it because the people around me do it because there are a lot of people who don’t. I did it because I wanted to. I want to experiment with things, mess around, make mistakes. I’m not addicted to it, I don’t want to be. Drugs aren’t my thing anyway. Doing it once in a while, in moderation is okay in my opinion till you are not killing yourself. It’s fine till you know what you are doing, it’s your life to make or break. It’s risky but alright by me till you are not harming yourself too much. But a very big part of me is scared that someday maybe, one of my friends or anyone for that matter will end up doing something drastic or killing themselves, over something as foolish as drugs. I scared. They anyway didn’t have any brain cells to begin with, and now that they are losing so many every day- it frightens me.

I have a very different opinion about alcohol. I’m all for it. It makes me happy, puts my guard down ( which is needed) and I enjoy it. I don’t like beer, I love vodka and Whisky. They are my absolute favorites. I love drinking, It makes me happy, it brings out the better person in me, I’m more aware of things and I can even tolerate people, emotions and people with emotions as I am terrible with them when sober.I drink too much, far more than I’m supposed to but with my asthma I can’t really mess around with the other junk. Unlike most of my pals, I don’t take in alcohol to get ‘drunk’ I consume alcohol because I like it. I enjoy it. I have now acquired a taste for it. But for me Alcohol is the one thing that converts my dad into a monster, and brings out the worst in him So I try not to over-do things because I don’t want to turn into that horrid being he turns into. Somewhere deep inside I also drink to get away, It helps in a weird way. It makes me forget stupid things, when crap gets out of hand. It helps me sleep. It’s a good break everyonce in a while. It helps me not feel things I don’t want to feel. I love Old no. 7. It helps in ways people and things don’t. Damn, I’m all nostalgic over a bottle of ethanol. -_-

To be honest anything in moderation is fine, never cross the thin line between moderate and a little more than required and you’ll be fine. It’s important to be self aware and it’s essential to be with people who will take care of you if something goes wrong, because it’s a huge risk. It can kill and it does. The rational being in me and the teenager crash again.So I’m careless while I’m with careful people. Hope I get through these hormonal chanegs safe and sound, and don’t end up in a rehab/juvie.

I’m decisionally challenged, I make bad decisions. That’s what I do, so this is expected of me and I live up to their expectations. 😛 More often than not I’ve to be told that this is stupid and it is then that I realize it.

But then again- As they say :

cheers 🙂