Tag Archives: simple

.. you wanted to know why

I was going to send this to this guy who I’ve been talking to and sleeping with for the past six months and something happened and this what I was going to send him, except that he’s an ass and I won’t. 

I wish I could take back the poem I wrote, thank god I didn’t send it to him. Not that I would have.

Anyway this is what I Wrote, hope you have a good laugh over it Imaginary audience. It’s anything but funny. Honestly. Lost of emo-shiz going on down there

“See, the thing is I don’t know what am I doing and what are we doing, I mean I know what we are ‘doing’ It’s just that I don’t know how or why or what and it frustrates me because I generally have control over things, except when I am drunk even then when I’m sober I figure things out, chalk them out and keep my priorities and head clear.
And then there’s you. 
You are magic and I can’t figure you out and I hate not being able to figure people out. I’ve no idea whatsoever as to what goes around in your head or your opinion of things etc etc and even when I ask you, I presume you aren’t lying but I wonder how much of the truth are you hiding.
And you know every damn thing about me, you fuck with my head a lot more than I’d admit in person and I don’t like it. 
Because you are all secretive and confidential and hushed, and I understand but It’s tiring and it’s tedious

and I hate being understanding, I usually get my way.
And I don’t like having close friends or telling people about ‘whatever’ unless I’m sure they are here to stay or whatever which I’m not of you and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s like I’ll have to pry you open with a crowbar to know even the teeniest of things. 

I don’t know what you are, I know you are a guy and a wonderful one that too but I’m intimate with you and it’s uh.. it’s been 6 months and I don’t do six months, or six dates. I either end things or they go on and on, and tbh I’m just dreading the point when things run their course and without an explanation you disappear, even if you disappear with a logical, rational, perfectly sensible explanation it won’t help. 

And things will get complicated, they always do and they always are specially in my head as much as I try to keep them simple, straight. And I don’t like complicated, anything complicated. I don’t like Math, history and complicated. 

 

I don’t like it when people I care for leave, because I don’t stop caring for them once they do and it drives me crazy not knowing how they are and what they are upto and if they are okay.

I love most people I care for, I do. Honest-to-god-do-anything-for-them kind, and mostly it’s simple and I don’t get over things. I’m super emotional (true that, my friend), cranky, dramatic etc despite my “awesomeness” It takes me years to get over the tiniest of things and I cn’t fight with people. I can’t and I dont do that and I hate confrontations, I’d rather go without chicken for 3 weeks straight than have the “talk” 
and I hate not-knowing. 
and I don’t know anything.
you.

Despite all your theories about me, I am a simple person. I may not seem like that but I am. I love my family and friends, do things I like and get attached to things, have dealt with shit (not a lot of it, but alittle) in the past and I like to keep things simple.

And It just hit me then, the magnitude of what I am or have been doing and I was scared or  whatever of the repercussions.  

Anyway, That’s all. 

you are rude and nasty but then you are nice and gentle. See, he left so will you because people leave and like him you’ll hurt me and disappear and I won’t be able to get over it and it sucks.

30 DAY WRITING CHALLENGE: DAY 4- YOUR VIEWS ON RELIGION

“Religion is easy”

 

I dislike studying Indian History, I don’t mind reading it and I love knowing things but studying Indian History was something I was always terrible at. I could never remember the dates or the ‘key words’. Though despite that ‘Mughal History’ was something that I always liked. So today my best friend and I went to Jama Masjid ( which to quote wikipedia is the ‘Principle Mosque of Old Delhi’.) My best friend is in town so I took her to Chandni Chowk to have some kick-ass food (read: Kebabs. Delicious, delicious Kebabs :’D) and show her around. She being a history buff has this need to go and visit all the monuments possible and Delhi being Delhi, she was thrilled. Let’s fast-forward, We were standing outside Jama Masjid but were reluctant to enter because we didn’t have anything to cover our heads with, so we were wondering what to do. There was this old man standing next to the gate, he was selling skull caps and other souvenirs, so we asked him if we could enter the mosque without covering our head. He told us that you can buy something from me to cover your head but it’s up to you, We were broke so we asked him if we absolutely had to cover our heads because despite being not-so-religious, hurting religious sentiments wasn’t our aim and the place was too gorgeous to be disrespectful.

Image

 

Anywho, that learned ancient man said something I’ll never forget, He said “Religion is easy” (” Dharam Aasaan hai beta”) and I realised maybe for him it is, maybe it is all about his god for him. In that moment it did seem simple. Maybe it is. I’m not sympathizing with people who commit atrocities in the name of religion here, I think they do not deserve to live (well, some of them) but the idea that maybe it is simple and we being the complex beings that we are, we like to complicate it, abuse it, politicize it, misinterpret it.

Yes, there are religious texts which say some horrid and strange things and I fail to understand the logic behind them, but you don’t have to take everything literally. We all enter this world and we leave it, and we get one shot to do all we want. Who knows if we will ever reincarnate or Attain Nirvana or Go to Heaven or Hell or anything, Why can’t we just want to be happy?

Why can’t we try and be a little more content with what we have, because Honestly, It does make things easier.

“Earth to earth, Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes”

“For Dust you are, to Dust you’ll return”

Yes, I’m quoting the Bible here (i’ve not read it) but this is what all religious texts say, mean.

All we are is a Dust, and Dust is what we’ll ever be. We’re tiny speckles of dust in the universe, we are pricks in this universe. We can never help or harm it, all we can do is try and be happy and bring some happiness to others.

Right now, Today the biggest day of the staggered Indian Elections, A quarter of the Indian Population voted. 815 million people voted, My country a country which runs on religion. Where Religion is politics and Politics is religion, the greatest democracy in the world, might be run by someone who doesn’t believe in Secularity, which in itself is a very scary thought. Not that the oh-so-secular government did any wonders, except maybe wonderfully stealing money from we the people but in a country as diverse as this, An irrational, mass-murdering bigot can not be made to sit at the center. I’m very worried because whatever the outcome, people will suffer and the purpose of democracy is lost because how can you choose between three options one of which is happy being complacent, no not complacent but invisible, saying nothing, doing nothing barring stealing Tax payers’ money; the other one which promotes one religion, (runs on a philosophy which has lost it’s essence over the centuries and has been turned into this crap ass shite which they think is justified for killing people) is intolerant, STUPID ( I mean it, I mean he wanted to declare war on a neighbouring country because 3 Jawans lost their life, I’m not defending their action but killing hundreds of thousands,’ claiming to have declared war if you were in power’ because you are too egotistical and irrational to come up with something reasonable is being stupid. I would like to ask you Mr., Would you have said the same if those Jawans weren’t Hindus?) and crude; the third option is of choosing an Idealist, an anarchist in some ways, An oppurtunist like Nehru some might say, a man who was strong enough to resign instead of giving in and giving up his ideals, but a man who is also not a competent leader. So where does that leave us? The greatest democracy in the World, a country of over 1.2 billion people? What do we do?

Sorry for the rant, From history to jama masjid to religion to Indian politics. Eh. Imaginary Audience, There’s a lot going on in this head. My sincere apologies.

LOVE 😀