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30 Day challenge: Day 10 – Discuss your first love and first kiss

Day 10 – My first love and first kiss

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I’m grinning like an idiot right now. heh. heh. heh.
My first love, I was like 9th grade and it was the 2nd day of school. I was new to that school and during the assembly there was some singing competition and the tall, almost pretty guy sang and played the piano (yep, I’ve a thing for musicians) and 9 months later we started dating. HE blew me off, that boy. He was gorgeous and messed up ( well, who doesn’t have a thing for beautiful, brooding musicians?) It was a whirlwind, We would meet everyday, would talk every second of every day.
I remember it was one day before the new years and we were alone at my place. We were standing in front of the mirror, comparing our heights and the he just held me by my shoulders, bent a little and kissed me. I felt my tummy burst, my knees crumble, my ears ring. I remember those 27 seconds in high definition.
It was everything – the butterflies, the stardust.

He was dramatic, moody, loving, over-possessive, secretive, messed up and that crazy enigmatic smile that would make this world come to halt. The perfect recipe for a beautiful diaster. .I told him everything I possible could, concocted a few impossible stories too and he believed them. He noticed me, the things I’d say, the people I’d meet. After all these years of being bro-zoned, of being the ‘go-to-when-in-trouble friend’ I existed for someone, as a girl. He thought I was pretty despite my unibrow 😛
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He would sing for me and walk out of the room when he didn’t like that I was spending too much time with the ‘other guys’, he’d speak to me every night before I would sleep and if I’d forget to call him, hell would break loose. He would threaten to beat people up and kiss me every chance he got. He would hold my hand around my parents and sit with my mother and crib about me. He used to help me cook, clean and he would play the guitar for me.
Now that I look back, I think It were the hormones talking. We were together for almost five glorious months till things changed and I broke up.

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He became cold and indifferent, He was so cold that nothing I did could thaw the ice in his heart.
I broke up and a few weeks later found out that he had been cheating on me and had patched things up with his ex and was almost sleeping with her. It took 8 months of tears, a rebound, another few months of crying and lot of chicken, coke and chocolate to get over it and a part of me is still tender.
We are still friends I met him last december after a few years, He is still self-centered but he noticed the small things, still careless but would take care of you. Due to the ugly aftermath of the break up, I’d forgotten the happy bits but when I met him, I remembered Why I was head-over-heels crazy in love with that boy and it made me realise that everything isn’t black and white.

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Looking back I realise that he wasn’t a bad person, he just did a bad thing. I’m not defending what he did, It was wrong, I know but despite that I feel he is a great guy and he made me very happy while I was with him. It’s just that his universe revolved around him and so did mine but it’s fine, I’ve learnt and he is happy with someone else, I wonder about the poor girl though. His mood swings were a little hard to handle.
It was good, while it lasted.
He had beautiful hands and a face that could brighten up or cloud over anyday.

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 3 – Your views on drugs and alcohol

Day 3 – Your views on drugs and alcohol

Drugs and Alcohol unfortunately are a very integral part of a teenagers life in the present day scenario. For an average teenager it doesn’t matter if you do drugs or consume alcohol, It is a major part of your life in someway or the other- either your friends are abusing it, or your dad is drinking too much, or you use it to escape the crowd, or you do it when you succumb to the peer pressure. But then there are some- like me.

Yes, I consume alcohol and I know I’m underage (since the legal age to drink in my country in 25 ) and I’ve done weed thrice. I don’t know if it’ wrong or right, I didn’t do it because the people around me do it because there are a lot of people who don’t. I did it because I wanted to. I want to experiment with things, mess around, make mistakes. I’m not addicted to it, I don’t want to be. Drugs aren’t my thing anyway. Doing it once in a while, in moderation is okay in my opinion till you are not killing yourself. It’s fine till you know what you are doing, it’s your life to make or break. It’s risky but alright by me till you are not harming yourself too much. But a very big part of me is scared that someday maybe, one of my friends or anyone for that matter will end up doing something drastic or killing themselves, over something as foolish as drugs. I scared. They anyway didn’t have any brain cells to begin with, and now that they are losing so many every day- it frightens me.

I have a very different opinion about alcohol. I’m all for it. It makes me happy, puts my guard down ( which is needed) and I enjoy it. I don’t like beer, I love vodka and Whisky. They are my absolute favorites. I love drinking, It makes me happy, it brings out the better person in me, I’m more aware of things and I can even tolerate people, emotions and people with emotions as I am terrible with them when sober.I drink too much, far more than I’m supposed to but with my asthma I can’t really mess around with the other junk. Unlike most of my pals, I don’t take in alcohol to get ‘drunk’ I consume alcohol because I like it. I enjoy it. I have now acquired a taste for it. But for me Alcohol is the one thing that converts my dad into a monster, and brings out the worst in him So I try not to over-do things because I don’t want to turn into that horrid being he turns into. Somewhere deep inside I also drink to get away, It helps in a weird way. It makes me forget stupid things, when crap gets out of hand. It helps me sleep. It’s a good break everyonce in a while. It helps me not feel things I don’t want to feel. I love Old no. 7. It helps in ways people and things don’t. Damn, I’m all nostalgic over a bottle of ethanol. -_-

To be honest anything in moderation is fine, never cross the thin line between moderate and a little more than required and you’ll be fine. It’s important to be self aware and it’s essential to be with people who will take care of you if something goes wrong, because it’s a huge risk. It can kill and it does. The rational being in me and the teenager crash again.So I’m careless while I’m with careful people. Hope I get through these hormonal chanegs safe and sound, and don’t end up in a rehab/juvie.

I’m decisionally challenged, I make bad decisions. That’s what I do, so this is expected of me and I live up to their expectations. 😛 More often than not I’ve to be told that this is stupid and it is then that I realize it.

But then again- As they say :

cheers 🙂

Things about me which I thought were normal but aren’t

Things about me which I thought were normal but aren’t:

1. I sleep with my underwear on.

(I just found out that it’s weird and unhealthy! -_-)

2. I get nightmares, so I’m up for most part of the night and sleep at dawn, when I’m saturated beyond the Imma-get-nightmares-tonight stage

3. I buy expensive lingerie.

( I thought it was normal since everyone in  ALL the chick-flicks and chick-lits did that, till I asked other people my age. Damn. )

4. I wear the same pair of jeans everyday and never put them in for a wash.

(I’m a 17 year old ‘girl’. )

5. I’ve never heard a Nicki Minaj song. Ever. whenever I see her on tv, I flip the channel and I’ve never ever tried to look for her on youtube

6. I’ve never read 50 shades of grey, don’t plan to either.

7. I don’t like chatting, or texting or talking on the phone. I prefer seeing people is real.

8. I eat a lot, unlike other girls my age.

9. I don’t like hugging.

10. I don’t want to get married neither do I want a boyfriend.

11. I have friends spread across the either country. In almost every state.

12. My best friend lives 1749 kms away and is a guy and no I don’t like  him. He is my best buddy.

13. I like living with my parents, I like talking to my mother. I’m supposed to hate her, but she’s really chill.

14. I like not wearing make up and not acting dumb.

15. I can’t pout. I really can’t.

16. I don’t think losing my virginity is a big thing. It’s a thing, yes. but the whole ‘deflowering shit’ is just crap. you want to do it, you do it. with anyone you want in the privacy of your room.

17. I love my family and a few people, and my dog. That’s it.

18. I’m over the “photography phase” but I don’t think I can ever get over horses. ( Lost in translation reference 😛 )

19. I don’t like watching movies, I prefer reading books. I don’t have the patience to sit and watch a whole movie.

20. I like re-watching movies better.

21. I cry during the stupidest of movies, really it’s an art.

22. I think hating math is uncool, and I think I’m really stupid for being bad at it.

23. I think Obama is really goodlooking.

24. I get a cold everymorning and it disappears till the noon. ( asthma-_- )

25. I liked school, it was fun. And I don’t miss it like everyone claims to. It’s like a vacation, I’m happy sitting at home doing nothing.

26. I like football.

27. My eye and hand coordination is really bad.

28. I think Sidney sheldon and chocolate muffins are over-rated.

29.  I like guys who smell good, them smelling good is better than them looking nice. And guys who are smart, really really smart. ( and a good taste in music! 😛 )

30. I love making out, I honestly genuinely love it.

31. I curse a lot.