People Die. It’s simple. We come to the planet, get one shot at everything (most of us!), try to leave a mark, succeed or fail, and people die. It’s as simple as that, but somehow someone dying is the hardest thing to bear, it’s most of ours’ worst nightmare. I’m not planning on killing myself or anything, It’s just that people around me, acquaintances, people my friends talk about etc etc are dropping dead. All of a sudden. It’s scary since most of us haven’t exactly had the chance to make our mark, most of them haven’t had that shot we’ve been dreaming of ever since we could dream of things other than meeting micky mouse. ( I still want to meet him! ^_^ )
Death- we can’t escape it.
If we dream about it we are considered to be suicidal.
if we fear it, we are cowards.
My benchmate’s best friend died a week ago, he shot himself in the head. He lives in Delhi and I was visiting Delhi, While she was in pune( teh city where I live). When I found out about it, I didn’t know what to do, I spoke to her while she cried. He didn’t die on the spot, he was put on a ventilator and all. Let’s not get into the Details. in short He passed away. What makes a perfectly normal, happy guy, with a goal in life kill himself? I don’t know, none us do I guess. I reckon it were the circumstances.
I don’t believe in any particular god, and I don’t not believe in god either. I believe in a supreme power, whether it’s a bundle of energy or a spiritual authority I don’t know. There is something I believe in, because when things get bad I hope that that supreme sciento-spiritual energy will help those who help themselves.
I don’t think suicide is a sin. It’s a way of life, some people live life and some don’t. It’s simple. It’s their life and choice. I don’t think he was weak, or a coward. Even in suicide there is courage, to take an action so big, and not only life-altering but also life-ending requires courage. He was impulsive and I suppose in those last few minutes-selfish but sometimes you have to be selfish. Maybe he felt he let himself down and there is no worse feeling in the world. It is very hard to be so selfish that the world around you ceases to exist till such an extent that you can’t see anything but your sorrows, and there is nothing more dreadful to be in a situation like that. Things get better, I know it. We heal, that’s the way of nature but in order to heal we need to stay put for those horrid moments which seem like an eternity, and sometimes those horrid moments break a person. I’m not justifying his act, I hardly knew the guy but tomorrow say someone close to me kills him/herself I’d want to be reminded of these things while I’m sad because when a tragedy hits, rationality runs out of the closest window.
Death leaves a mark, those who crave to leave a mark in life sometimes resort to death, and others just die and leave a mark. Sometimes I feel leaving a mark is overrated, it’s like being popular, there is no peace in popularity and in order to leave a mark more often than not you give up peace. Sometimes I wish I could protect the people around me from death, from doing anything stupid or Naive but it’s not really possible, is it?
I hate to admit A selfish part of me was thankful that it wasn’t my best friend, because though we don’t talk, we can’t talk. I can’t imagine him not being there, I can’t not imagine any of my close friends not being there. I hate those phoney facebook pages which people create after someone is dead, the statuses. It makes me uncomfortable. I feel like they aren’t respecting the person’s choice or misfortune. I feel like death is getting closer to me and mine, and it scares me shitless because let’s be honest those who die, have it easy. They are dead and we sit here-waiting, wanting, praying, hoping, crying, regretting. I have always had this weird feeling that I’ll die young, It’s not something I want, It’s just a feeling and I don’t like it. If and when I die I want people to laugh, really, because I know they’ll be sad and I hope they sit and laugh a lot, listen to great music and be happy, or have a dance party maybe and eat a LOT of cake, get very drunk and have sex. In my memory. That’d make me happy.
That’s what I believe if someone kills themselves then after days, months, years whenever one comes to terms with it one should throw a party because they did what they wanted to, they are out of misery and so you must be eternally happy and live some on their behalf.