Tag Archives: Leave

When do you stop loving?

Is it when I don’t see your name in my call log

or when I start calling you by your first name?

Is it when long nights are made longer because there is no one to talk to

or when you look away?

Is it when I can’t smell you on my clothes anymore

Or when your number begins to slip from my mind?

Is it when I stop thinking of you

Or when I stop dreaming of your eyes?

Is it when I don’t recognize the expression on your face

or when you have your hands around her waist?

Is it when I haven’t seen you in nine months

or when you haven’t kissed me in eleven?

Is it when you are no longer the voice whispering in my ear

or when he sings our song and I hum along?

Is it when everything seems smaller because I can’t tell you about it

Or is it when I try not think of you when I wake up?

Is it when I hope the timing was wrong

or is it when I hope the chemistry was amiss?

Is it when I sleep with his breath on my neck

Or is it when your words leave my head?

Is it when you lie to me

or is it when you walk away?

When do I stop loving you?

Is it when you give up on me

or is it when I give in?

 

You left, you were right

now let go of my mind

Stop growing in, filling the vessels

the veins, the words

When do you stop loving?

When do I stop loving you?

Continue reading When do you stop loving?

.. you wanted to know why

I was going to send this to this guy who I’ve been talking to and sleeping with for the past six months and something happened and this what I was going to send him, except that he’s an ass and I won’t. 

I wish I could take back the poem I wrote, thank god I didn’t send it to him. Not that I would have.

Anyway this is what I Wrote, hope you have a good laugh over it Imaginary audience. It’s anything but funny. Honestly. Lost of emo-shiz going on down there

“See, the thing is I don’t know what am I doing and what are we doing, I mean I know what we are ‘doing’ It’s just that I don’t know how or why or what and it frustrates me because I generally have control over things, except when I am drunk even then when I’m sober I figure things out, chalk them out and keep my priorities and head clear.
And then there’s you. 
You are magic and I can’t figure you out and I hate not being able to figure people out. I’ve no idea whatsoever as to what goes around in your head or your opinion of things etc etc and even when I ask you, I presume you aren’t lying but I wonder how much of the truth are you hiding.
And you know every damn thing about me, you fuck with my head a lot more than I’d admit in person and I don’t like it. 
Because you are all secretive and confidential and hushed, and I understand but It’s tiring and it’s tedious

and I hate being understanding, I usually get my way.
And I don’t like having close friends or telling people about ‘whatever’ unless I’m sure they are here to stay or whatever which I’m not of you and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s like I’ll have to pry you open with a crowbar to know even the teeniest of things. 

I don’t know what you are, I know you are a guy and a wonderful one that too but I’m intimate with you and it’s uh.. it’s been 6 months and I don’t do six months, or six dates. I either end things or they go on and on, and tbh I’m just dreading the point when things run their course and without an explanation you disappear, even if you disappear with a logical, rational, perfectly sensible explanation it won’t help. 

And things will get complicated, they always do and they always are specially in my head as much as I try to keep them simple, straight. And I don’t like complicated, anything complicated. I don’t like Math, history and complicated. 

 

I don’t like it when people I care for leave, because I don’t stop caring for them once they do and it drives me crazy not knowing how they are and what they are upto and if they are okay.

I love most people I care for, I do. Honest-to-god-do-anything-for-them kind, and mostly it’s simple and I don’t get over things. I’m super emotional (true that, my friend), cranky, dramatic etc despite my “awesomeness” It takes me years to get over the tiniest of things and I cn’t fight with people. I can’t and I dont do that and I hate confrontations, I’d rather go without chicken for 3 weeks straight than have the “talk” 
and I hate not-knowing. 
and I don’t know anything.
you.

Despite all your theories about me, I am a simple person. I may not seem like that but I am. I love my family and friends, do things I like and get attached to things, have dealt with shit (not a lot of it, but alittle) in the past and I like to keep things simple.

And It just hit me then, the magnitude of what I am or have been doing and I was scared or  whatever of the repercussions.  

Anyway, That’s all. 

you are rude and nasty but then you are nice and gentle. See, he left so will you because people leave and like him you’ll hurt me and disappear and I won’t be able to get over it and it sucks.

I’m done.

I feel so hopeless right now. So bloody hopeless. It’ almost as though 6 months under the blanket with the lights switched off and the music on full blast won’t help. I want to die, I really do. I never talk like this, but honestly right now I’m so tired, I’m so done. I’m so fucking tired.  All i want to do leave, and never come back. Leave everything and everyone, this need to so overpowering that I can’t breathe right now, or maybe my asthma is acting up. I don’t know. Even the end ( the doors) isn’t helping. This actually feels like the end. I’m so f’ed up.