My Dog Momo :D

I like bugs and cockroaches. They are really chill. I like how roaches run, they are so graceful. I don’t like lizards but grasshopers are beautiful. I like beetles and Lady birds.

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But My favorite organism is my dog. He is not an animal, he is too stupid to be an animal and too hyper to be an insect, and too daft to be a reptile. He is  dumber than a doormat. Really. He is more of a rainbow, If rainbows were daft He’d be it. He is also beautiful. Momo ( that’s him) is a true blonde and No, I don’t mean Meryl Streep ( she’s brilliant) He is like one of those moronic blondes you crack jokes about? He is that.

He chews on his paws, wants to make friends with every cat that has roamed the streets. He is scared of cockroaches and barks at every dog who is 5 times his size. He is a cocker spaniel, doesn’t look like one though.

He eats EVERYTHING- potatoes, chicken, pencils, paper, newspapers, onions, leaves, stones, coconut shells, my sadness. EVERYTHING. He comes and puts me to bed at 6 in the morning, everyday without fail. By putting me to bed I mean, Lies down on my bed, expects me to give him a belly rub while he makes weird noises and then makes himself comfortable in our corner, next to the cooler. He bangs my pillows, destroys my homework, Overturns the dustbin, eats my favorite doll.

In winters he quietly enters my quilt and sleeps there, initially curled in a ball and later he spreads himself and expects me to sleep on the floor. He doesn’t like it when I text or talk on the phone or when my friends hug me. He doesn’t like it when I  hug ma. Momo also has this weird habit, if there is a group of girls outside the house he’ll go, jump up and act sexy in front of the prettiest girl of the lot. Everytime. He’s a boy through and through.

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I have realized that the only thing a person truly loves is his/her dog.
Well your parents, you are supposed to love them. Biologically.
They go out of their way for you, SO you love them.
I don’t always like my parents, but I love them.

Others- your friends, humans around you etc.
It’s selfish, if you get something you give something.
If you get attention, you give attention.
If you are loved, you return it. I wish I was a monk.
It’s ridiculous. Life.

..The saddest thing about being a human being is that only another human being can make you feel important.
Trees, birds and flowers don’t help.
and sometimes your dog. But I know my dog loves me, inspite of my flaws, tantrums and exaggerations.

similarly, my dog. I love him. whether he is peeing in the living room, or scratching my hand or molesting his pillow- I love him.

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All the pictures used are mine, Feel free to use them 🙂

Top 15 Places in Asia I’d run to the moment I can ^_^

“For Come I may, but Go I must and If men ask you why. May put the blame on the stars and the sun and the white moon and the sky” These are the words of my favorite poem since sixth grade. Anyway So here is a list of places I’d visit the moment I have enough money saved aside and my education is well in place. These are Places in ASIA, I’d visit the moment* I get my passport, some cash, a good camera and permission from my ma 🙂

None of the pictures used are mine, these are not arranged in any order. If you have visited any of these places or are going to, please let me know all about it. 

Here it goes:

1, Huanglong and Jiuzhaigou Areas, Northwest part of Sichaun, China.

( Home of the Giant panda and is famous for it’s colorful pools formed because of some scientific something, will tell you what imaginary audience when I visit it! 😛 )

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2. Ladakh, India and Kashmir – both Azad Kashmir/ Pakistan occupied Kashmir, Pakistan and Kashmir, India. 

Out of all the places I’ve seen it is the single MOST beautiful place on the planet. It’s beautiful. It has everything. The people are beautiful, and the place is spellbinding though the political situation there isn’t very inviting. 

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that’s Pahalgam, the river lidder

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The Valley

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The Kashmir Valley 

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Ladakh 🙂

3. Putorana Plateau, Central siberian plateau, Russia

Putorana translates to the country of lakes with steep banks, and is famous for it’s siberian traps. 

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4. Mount Sanqing, China.

It is a renowned taoist sacred mountain and is absolutely gorgeous.

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5. Palawan Islands, Philippines is UNREAL!

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6. Sundarbans, Bangladesh and India.

It is the  largest single block of tidal halophytic mangrove ( google it! )forest in the world. I’ve read a about it and It isn’t very touristy but it’s something which is far beyond our imagination. These areas haven’t been explored extensively due to their ever-changing scenarios. also it’s the home of the famous Bengal tiger. 

( Amitav Ghosh has also written a brilliant book – The hungry tide, which is set in this region. )

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The Sundarbans Delta- spread across Bangladesh and India

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7. Saryarka Steppe and Lakes, Kazakhstan.

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Unexplored and gorgeous. 

8.  Ölüdeniz( the blue lagoon) and the butterfly valley, Turkey- 

Turkey is my dream destination. Olives, cheese, Asia, Europe, the sea, the hills. Shizz just got real. 😀

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The turquoise coast- The blue lagoon. 

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the butterfly valley

9.Gobi Desert and Mongolian-Manchurian grassland,Mongolia-

 Mongolia is synonymous with the wild, evoking images of seemingly endless steppe wilderness, nomadic herders, Ghengis Khan and the Gobi Desert, and now the glorious grassland

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10. Sagarmatha, Nepal.

Sagarmāthā takes its name from the Nepalese name for Mount Everest which is located in the very north of the zone within the Sagarmatha National park in the Solu Khumbu district. Sagarmāthā means “the Head in the Great Blue Sky”

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11. Kaghan Valley, Pakistan

Here in india, you don’t get to hear a lot about how beautiful Pakistan is. While studying about it I found out about how gorgeous it is and I’m still awestruck. I hope I get to go to half these places. 

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12. Kinabalu, Malaysia

Mount Kinabalu is also the 20th most prominent mountain

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13. Kamchatka Peninsula, Russia and the Valley of geysers

RUSSIA! ^_^

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Volcano Polsky Tolbachik

 

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14. Tabbataha Reef, Philippines-  is an atoll coral reef and a Natural Marine Park in sulu sea composing of two huge atoll (the North Atoll and South Atoll) and the smaller Jessie Beazley Reef.

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15. HaLong bay, Vietnam.

(means “descending dragon bay”) Is exquisite and I’m going there sometime this year !!!

^__^

It’s something like the Palawan Islands but less touristy. B|

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PS: None of the pictures belong to me, I used google so the credit goes to their respective photographers, websites etc.

Things about me which I thought were normal but aren’t

Things about me which I thought were normal but aren’t:

1. I sleep with my underwear on.

(I just found out that it’s weird and unhealthy! -_-)

2. I get nightmares, so I’m up for most part of the night and sleep at dawn, when I’m saturated beyond the Imma-get-nightmares-tonight stage

3. I buy expensive lingerie.

( I thought it was normal since everyone in  ALL the chick-flicks and chick-lits did that, till I asked other people my age. Damn. )

4. I wear the same pair of jeans everyday and never put them in for a wash.

(I’m a 17 year old ‘girl’. )

5. I’ve never heard a Nicki Minaj song. Ever. whenever I see her on tv, I flip the channel and I’ve never ever tried to look for her on youtube

6. I’ve never read 50 shades of grey, don’t plan to either.

7. I don’t like chatting, or texting or talking on the phone. I prefer seeing people is real.

8. I eat a lot, unlike other girls my age.

9. I don’t like hugging.

10. I don’t want to get married neither do I want a boyfriend.

11. I have friends spread across the either country. In almost every state.

12. My best friend lives 1749 kms away and is a guy and no I don’t like  him. He is my best buddy.

13. I like living with my parents, I like talking to my mother. I’m supposed to hate her, but she’s really chill.

14. I like not wearing make up and not acting dumb.

15. I can’t pout. I really can’t.

16. I don’t think losing my virginity is a big thing. It’s a thing, yes. but the whole ‘deflowering shit’ is just crap. you want to do it, you do it. with anyone you want in the privacy of your room.

17. I love my family and a few people, and my dog. That’s it.

18. I’m over the “photography phase” but I don’t think I can ever get over horses. ( Lost in translation reference 😛 )

19. I don’t like watching movies, I prefer reading books. I don’t have the patience to sit and watch a whole movie.

20. I like re-watching movies better.

21. I cry during the stupidest of movies, really it’s an art.

22. I think hating math is uncool, and I think I’m really stupid for being bad at it.

23. I think Obama is really goodlooking.

24. I get a cold everymorning and it disappears till the noon. ( asthma-_- )

25. I liked school, it was fun. And I don’t miss it like everyone claims to. It’s like a vacation, I’m happy sitting at home doing nothing.

26. I like football.

27. My eye and hand coordination is really bad.

28. I think Sidney sheldon and chocolate muffins are over-rated.

29.  I like guys who smell good, them smelling good is better than them looking nice. And guys who are smart, really really smart. ( and a good taste in music! 😛 )

30. I love making out, I honestly genuinely love it.

31. I curse a lot.

The friend that I have

I have a friend, we have been friends for a very long time. We started off as people who didn’t like each other, became best friends, had the ‘infamous’ fallout in 8th grade ( right out of a book,eh? ) , the drama, the tantrums, the fights and then we grew up ( I, a little and she a LOT ) and now we are friends. Friends is maybe a term too mild to construe what we have, but I’ll go with it for the time being.

We are very different, poles apart some may say. Born on the same day  ( Alas! different months) our set of principles is almost opposite to each others’. She sleeps early and is up early and I’m up all night and I sleep in all day. She is super skinny, I have them thunder thighs She is hardworking and does everything on time, I procrastinate till the eleventh hour and then hurry through. She knows it all- the people, the things, the places; I’m clueless about everything, even the time when I’m wearing a watch. She is really smart, and even more hardworking. I’m smart, but then I’m a lazy ass. She knows what she wants, I know what I don’t want. She is selfless, and I’m selfish and self centered (and horribly so! ) She doesn’t drink, smoke and I drink like it’s my birthright and smoke (occasionally! ) despite my asthma. She can speak in front of people, she is a leader through and through; I lead too but I can’t speak in front of people, I do the work backstage, the invisible but can’t-do-away-with help. She loves kids and wants to go to other third world countries and do things for them, ( I wanted to do that ) but I’d rather travel the world, Forget about the real-issues and just meet new people or make six babies 😛

She wakes me up on weekdays, because she is up and she can’t let me sleep; despite knowing I’ll go back to sleep the moment I hang up. She wakes me up, after she has been to her classes and comes home just to come with me to the doctor because I’m a “fart” and generally by the time I wake up, the doctor is long gone. I make breakfast for her, when it’s time for lunch and she spends 4 hours cleaning my disgusting cupboard, begging me to throw my old clothes ( which have a lot of sentimental value, in my defense) out, to make space for new ones! She buys birthday gifts for me months before my birthday, scolds me when I don’t study before “the most crucial exams of my life”, has faith in me when I don’t, makes me smile when things seemed to have come to a halt, stayed up with me the whole night during my eleventh grade finals because my boyfriend broke up with me, buys food for me when I’m upset, brings me coke and chicken because I’m hungry, fights for me, fights with me. She is the only one I’ll tell how could or bad my sex life is. She takes me to the dentist when I break my teeth, slipping on the bathroom floor when drunk.

She doesn’t judge me, neither does she lie. She knows everything. She knows everyone. I called her up the moment he left the room, She knows that I don’t believe in marriage or relationships, she has a beautiful relationship with the wonderful guy and their relationship is the only one I believe in. She wants a wedding, wants to get married one day and have a family. I don’t want to get married or stay in a place for too long. She saves me from self-destruction. I destroy everything- intentionally or unintentionally, she saves me from it. She brings out the good in me, She lets me dream, she lets me sleep in, she lets me be. she forgives my wrongs, or rights them. She listens to me, unlike the world who are waiting for their turn to speak. I’m careless, she picks up the little pieces I lose on the way and puts them back. She is honest, she is real, she is scary ( sometimes). She makes me question things I take for granted. She forces me to do things which I don’t want to, but end up relishing. She is funny, smart and always there. she is one of the bravest people I know. She is the person I call when I’m drunk, despite knowing that she’ll kill me the next morning.

A few days back I had the worst asthma attack in the history of bad ones, I had a silent chest and was unconscious. I thought I was dead, It was quiet and I couldn’t move or feel anything around me. She was one of the people I saw, I thought of in that state. I saw her there, smiling at me in her lace dress and I though I was dead. One of things that I learnt that night was that come what may I need her there.She sends me cryptic messages, we are weird together. We talk about things which you wouldn’t talk about with another person because it’s weird. She is my friend. My confidant.I don’t tell people everything, I’ve too many secrets. She and himself come to closest to the person I’m under the facade I put up everyday. Himself ignores that person and she embraces it. She comes home, just to say hi to me and give me a hug and then goes her way and I look for coke for her, when all the shops are shut down in the city, and end up buying 7up ( which I like!). We are like Grey and Yang from grey’s anatomy! Even though I hate meredith, I’m weirdly like her ( she likes grey) and She is a lot like yang ( though not as cold, she is much nicer and I think yang is kick-ass, and she doesn’t like yang). We are dark, twisted, weird and messed up. Dreamy and the dreamers.

When I grow old, and if I settle down she’ll be the one spoiling my kids, while I’ll be the one taking her kids out for their first beer and their first rock concerts ( she feels claustrophobic!) While I grow up, smoke up, waste my time, mess around, sleep with people, act like a bum; she’ll be the ideal daughter, doing the right thing the right way. She has to balance things out, right? My ma has hooked faith in her. I have immovable belief in her.

She likes coke, I like sprite. She sounds really polished and grown up, I sound like a 2nd grade Delhite, She reads I read. She writes when she’s sad, I write no matter what. She makes me happy, she lets me dream, she is my saving grace, my yang. She builds, I break. I leave, she stays. She laughs, I smile. She cries, I fight. When my mood swings, she is the reason I’m sane again. I can never thank god enough for her, I can never thank her enough for the person she is because despite my infinite flaws, and issues she doesn’t go, she doesn’t give up. I love her, I love her so fiercely that it scares me sometimes. We can survive without each other, we have our best friends and our lives, but for me everything else falls into the background when we are together.

Himself might be the love of my life, but she is my soul mate.

I love you , to the stars and back. 🙂

 

Leaving is Liberating.

I wrote about the need to leave, A few posts ago. I’d like to elaborate on it.

To leave is pleasure. It’s the journey till the point right before you leave, which is hard. All the planning, the deciding, the choices that you make That is nerve wracking. No one is resistant, no one is is immune to that feeling of nostalgia, and that fear of starting afresh. It’s scary starting anew, It’s intimidating each time but that’s the thrill, you can break free of all the ties, you can break out the walls that have held you captive for so long, you can dream again, dream new, dream upside down, dream monochrome or in technicolor.

You are never one person, you are different persons in different places,at various stages of the clock. You are everything to someone one day, invisible the next. You are everyone and the next minute you are a another bystander glancing their way; someone they’ve never seen before,  someone they are curious to know. Once the curiosity dies, your collective importance begins to diminish, opinions are fixed, the excitement is over, adrenaline is replaced by estrogen, feelings come into play. Yes, I know curiosity killed the cat but it also gave way to the workings of science.

Leaving is a science, an art. Only the toughest can leave, or the weakest. Nothing in the middle ever can. Leaving isn’t moderate, it isn’t neutral, it’s not the safe path, nor the right thing to do. It’s extreme  impulsive, stupid at times. It’s for the downtrodden and the dreamers, It’s for the young or the very old. Leaving is liberating in more ways than one. But those who leave can never stay too long especially with those who stay because either can’t survive with another. The difference is magnetic, it’s compelling, it binds them together but the gap is too much to cover. In the bargain one spirit shatters and the other hardens and neither is in a better place than the other.

To leave is for you and you alone, It’s not a choice but need, Home isn’t a house, it’s hearth, it’s where your head is at the moment. A distant city can be home to me, even when I’ve never been in it’s 100 mile radius.

To travel and to leave are two different things. Don’t confuse them. To travel is to see the world and come back home, and to leave is to leave a home and make another one wherever you go. They don’t know what it’s like to seek comfort in others, in things unknown, in people alien, in cities new and terrifying.. It’s the adrenaline, the fear, the high.

To leave is to be free.

and I leave, every now and then. I’m free. I’m happy.

I’m done.

I feel so hopeless right now. So bloody hopeless. It’ almost as though 6 months under the blanket with the lights switched off and the music on full blast won’t help. I want to die, I really do. I never talk like this, but honestly right now I’m so tired, I’m so done. I’m so fucking tired.  All i want to do leave, and never come back. Leave everything and everyone, this need to so overpowering that I can’t breathe right now, or maybe my asthma is acting up. I don’t know. Even the end ( the doors) isn’t helping. This actually feels like the end. I’m so f’ed up. 

Who Am I ?

Psychology is one of my subjects and it might be the study I major in, one thing that I’ve learnt by studying it is all of us have issues. ALL of us. We just can’t escape them, and It’s important to come to terms with it and know where and how they originate and how they affect us.

Now back to me, ( I’m such a narcissist ) For a very long time, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me,I knew something was though. I knew I wasn’t schizophrenic  neither was I suffering from OCD. I was just unstable, ( I almost came to believe that I had borderline personality disorder) Then one day I realized that I was just weird, plain simple weird. Which isn’t a disorder. I’m as normal, as a weird person can be and I suppose everyone feels like they are ‘unusual’ and ‘weird’. But I still had my issues.

Being an Army brat, I’ve had to change cities and school very often, due to all that unstability while growing up, I can’t commit to anything. I’m very duty conscience IF I’m supposed to do something, I’ll go out of my way and do it but IF I have to commit to something, someone I can’t. I start getting annoyed, I need my space, which is way too much to ask for considering I need a lot of it, I need my things to remain as it is, I need people to not question what I do and how I do it. All in all which is too much to ask for and isn’t fair on the other person.

I need to move houses, need to see new people, travel, I need the change now. I wouldn’t admit it if you’d ask me in person, but I know it. I can’t stay in the same place, with the same people for too long. I’m already in love with the people I’ve never met and the places I’ve never seen. There is this craving in me to leave, I love leaving even though it breaks my heart and I pine for the old place, I love it. I love starting afresh. I love not staying for too long. I’m unpredictable, moody and I leave

and that is what I am. It kills me and a lot of others but that is how it is. It’s easy now, since I know it. Earlier I used to wonder what was wrong with me.

I forgive easy, I leave early, I sleep in late, I’m moody, I’m cranky, I’m hyper. I’m your average teenager with existential crisis.

🙂

The need to possess more.

Breathe, Eat and Survive. Isn’t that all we human beings were supposed to do, when we first came into existence but soon enough, things began to get complex. Emotions came into play, our basic needs increased, Stress, Kids, having a home. We humans began wearing clothes to look good and fit in, instead of wearing clothes to cover ourselves and protect oneself from the weather. We have evolved, and we still are evolving.

Let’s skip all the biological things and hop on to what I wanted to say.

Despite the fact that we need only air to breathe, clothes to wear, water to drink, food to eat and shelter over our heads for survival why has everything become so complex? things used to be simple, you want something you grow it, or exchange it for something else. You don’t want something, you leave it be.

Now we want more than we need, and sometimes we ignore what we want and go for what others want. Greed, The desperate need to want more of everything is something I don’t understand. I understand if there is a dearth of things and in order to fulfill your needs , you want more of something, but what I don’t understand is when you have a sufficient quantity of everything, why would you want more of it. Why can’t people be happy in what they have? The horrible need to possess more is overpowering the man-kind and how!

Economics is based on the study of scarcity, alternative uses and unlimited wants. The world WILL be a better place if people were more satisfied with what they have, instead of wanting another unit. If only, people would look beyond themselves and into themselves all at once. It’s hard, not to think about oneself and oneself alone for less than 24 hours in a day, but I reckon it’s high time we do it. Otherwise where will we all be in another few years?

 

The Nature does help, it does contribute. If only we use as much as we need, there will eb thing left for all those who have nothing and Maybe then we’ll be a better planet.

 

when you create a mess.
 A mess so utterly impossible to decipher, So impossible to clear.
When you know that you are totally completely and royally screwed.
When you know what you are doing, and you know that it’s not right but you are stupid enough to do it anyway.
When you know what you want and you know that you can’t get it, so you tell your self that there are plenty of fish in the pond and you try to compensate with someone else, and you fail.
Fail miserably.
When you enter a room, and you need that one person to look at you, so you feel that you exist. that one person only. No one and nothing else can make up for it. When you look for a person from the corner of your eyes, in a crowd and breathe when you finally lay your eyes upon up.
When you fuck up so bad. SO bad. and you know that there is no way out and all you can do is wait.
 Wait. . endlessly. hopelessly. for something that will never happen.
yeah.
life sucks.
 supposedly it goes on as well. it is going on, well kinda. but i’d rather it comes to a full stop than move on like this

Starshine on a starless night, Rain on a sunny afternoon. The rantings of an ambivalent teenager.

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