30 Day writing challenge – Day 11: Shuffle your Music Player and 12 songs that pop up

Day 11: Shuffle your Music Player and 12 songs that pop up

I’ve also attached the links to these songs, if anyone is interested. 🙂

 

1. With a little help from my Friends – Beatles

2. Falling slowly – Glen Hansard

3. Banao Banao – Papon

 

4. Hello, I love you – The Doors

5. Betterman – Pearl Jam

6. The man comes around – Johnny cash

7. All we ever do is say goodbye – John Mayer

8. Here comes a regular – The Replacements

9. Bruised orange – Bon Iver

10. Going to California – Led Zeppelin

11. Have love will travel – The Black Keys

12. Hallelujah – Rufus Wainwright

30 Day challenge: Day 10 – Discuss your first love and first kiss

Day 10 – My first love and first kiss

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I’m grinning like an idiot right now. heh. heh. heh.
My first love, I was like 9th grade and it was the 2nd day of school. I was new to that school and during the assembly there was some singing competition and the tall, almost pretty guy sang and played the piano (yep, I’ve a thing for musicians) and 9 months later we started dating. HE blew me off, that boy. He was gorgeous and messed up ( well, who doesn’t have a thing for beautiful, brooding musicians?) It was a whirlwind, We would meet everyday, would talk every second of every day.
I remember it was one day before the new years and we were alone at my place. We were standing in front of the mirror, comparing our heights and the he just held me by my shoulders, bent a little and kissed me. I felt my tummy burst, my knees crumble, my ears ring. I remember those 27 seconds in high definition.
It was everything – the butterflies, the stardust.

He was dramatic, moody, loving, over-possessive, secretive, messed up and that crazy enigmatic smile that would make this world come to halt. The perfect recipe for a beautiful diaster. .I told him everything I possible could, concocted a few impossible stories too and he believed them. He noticed me, the things I’d say, the people I’d meet. After all these years of being bro-zoned, of being the ‘go-to-when-in-trouble friend’ I existed for someone, as a girl. He thought I was pretty despite my unibrow 😛
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He would sing for me and walk out of the room when he didn’t like that I was spending too much time with the ‘other guys’, he’d speak to me every night before I would sleep and if I’d forget to call him, hell would break loose. He would threaten to beat people up and kiss me every chance he got. He would hold my hand around my parents and sit with my mother and crib about me. He used to help me cook, clean and he would play the guitar for me.
Now that I look back, I think It were the hormones talking. We were together for almost five glorious months till things changed and I broke up.

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He became cold and indifferent, He was so cold that nothing I did could thaw the ice in his heart.
I broke up and a few weeks later found out that he had been cheating on me and had patched things up with his ex and was almost sleeping with her. It took 8 months of tears, a rebound, another few months of crying and lot of chicken, coke and chocolate to get over it and a part of me is still tender.
We are still friends I met him last december after a few years, He is still self-centered but he noticed the small things, still careless but would take care of you. Due to the ugly aftermath of the break up, I’d forgotten the happy bits but when I met him, I remembered Why I was head-over-heels crazy in love with that boy and it made me realise that everything isn’t black and white.

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Looking back I realise that he wasn’t a bad person, he just did a bad thing. I’m not defending what he did, It was wrong, I know but despite that I feel he is a great guy and he made me very happy while I was with him. It’s just that his universe revolved around him and so did mine but it’s fine, I’ve learnt and he is happy with someone else, I wonder about the poor girl though. His mood swings were a little hard to handle.
It was good, while it lasted.
He had beautiful hands and a face that could brighten up or cloud over anyday.

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30 day challenge : day 9 – Views on sex

Day 9- Views on sex sex. sex. sex.

 

Food. water. air. Sex

Right now, the only thing that comes to my mind is how much I miss it. Christ. Sex in my opinion is sacred, because it is so beautiful.

I don’t think losing one’s virginity is a very big thing. It’s big, alright but more often that not people blow things out of proportion and give it unnecessary importance. I mean, what the hell. Your hymen, it’ll break eventually but yes, I do believe if and when one decides to have sex he/she should not regret it 10/20 years down the lane. Regretting it the next morning or a year later is one thing but regretting it when you grow up, when you grow older is heartbreaking not just about your hymen-breaking. You shouldn’t regret it. When you look back, it must make you smile. That’s how I feel. Damn right, you should be proud of it.

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I fail to understand why is it such a taboo- sex. Having sex, talking about it. It’s fine for people to have secret porn stashes but the same people don’t tell their kids what it’s all about. Sex is a biological process for lord’s sake. You need to eat. You need to breathe in Oxygen (not pure oxygen! ). you Need to drink water. You need to have sex. And it’s not only to reproduce. I’m not saying have sex when you are 12 or something, wait for a bit but I think putting sex up on a pedestal is foolish.

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Sex is good, It’s the reason why I’m sitting here ranting about the world and the reason you are sitting there are reading this imaginary audience. You want to wait for the right guy/girl, Go ahead! I’m all for it, you don’t want to wait for the right person, Go ahead! I’m all for it. Sex is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It makes me happy. Sex with himself made me really happy. Sex with a guy other than himself also made me really happy. But the problem arises when you confuse sex with feelings, It’s not necessary the person you are having sex with will like you or love you. More often than not it will fizzle out. One needs to be honest to oneself about what’s going on. Sex is a beautiful, messy, crazy thing as long as it is consensual but yes, it does complicate things. It’s amazing but complicated both biologically and emotionally. It can wreck a havoc in someone’s mind and when you do it for the first time or after really long peeing will hurt for the next few hours. It has always complicated things for me.  More often than not I make the mistake of getting involved emotionally and then it gets messy and tissue papers are useless when it comes to this kind of messy.

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Anyway, I hope imaginary audience, that you get some if you want some and I hope you enjoy it as much!tumblr_n3ivxsLkHU1rum7cgo1_500

Can one eat Football?

This Mural created by the Brazilian Street Artist Paulo Ito on May 10, 2014 on the doors of his school house is São Paulo has gone Viral on the interweb.
The vivid image of a Brazilian child wit nothing to eat, but a football is as hard-hitting as it is heart-breaking.
I love football and I’m counting days till the world cup begins (19 days, whooop!) but this here, made me not only re-think but reconsider almost everything I like or believe in. Is it fair on not moral but on the grounds of humanity that Countries, countries with hundreds of thousands of people who are starving, dying, who lack the basic health, food and education necessities spends hundreds of millions to satisfy the entertainment needs of a few hundred million.
I’m not demeaning or trivialising the sport here, I think sports are important and bring a country together, team spirit, patriotism, happiness, love and all that jazz. I know Football is religion in European countries and a few other nations, but honestly shouldn’t we all stop and think if a child should go hungry because certain individuals(myself, included!) need constant change and excitement in their mode of entertainment.
A country like Brazil which like India has a HUGE population and not enough resources or money to fulfill the needs of it’s people, Should a country like Brazil hold the World Cup? People are going hungry, they had hiked the bus fares and health care systems but after people protested they let go of it but not completely.

People are suffering.
When Paulo Ito in a chat with the Slate via facebook chat said,” The truth is there is so much wrong in Brazil that it is difficult to know where to start, I didn’t mean [to say] nobody is doing anything against poverty,” he said of the mural. “But we need to show the world or ourselves that the situation is still not good.” He also explained,“People already have the feeling and that image condensed this feeling,”

We can’t really eat footballs or cricket bats, can we?

Because if we could, this world would be a better place and perhaps happier.

For further information Here’s the link to the original article I read http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_spot/2014/05/20/paulo_ito_world_cup_a_brazilian_street_artist_has_created_the_world_cup.html?utm_content=bufferb0ecd&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer#

Day 8: The moment I felt most satisfied with my life

The Moment I felt most satisfied with my life, Today’s Challenge made me smile like a retard. Isn’t it weird that we run behind such monumental things all our lives only to be content with the tiny ones, It’s the small things that make a difference.

Small things and Big money. ( The Clash between the idealist in me and the struggling-student-in-a-third-world-country in me is crazy)
The moment, The moment when I felt satisfied. MOST SATISFIED but not exhilarated, or exuberant, The moment I felt truly content was sometime last December. Oddly enough it wasn’t when I got my tattoo, or got a kick-ass college or when I got a car ( luls. because I don’t have a car :P) or even post-mindblowing- sex. I did feel satisfied but … It was sometime last December.
I went back to Pune, the city I completed my last two years of schooling from (also grade 6,7 and 8) The city where my brother and mother were and where my friends still are.  So I went back home after my Semester end exams.


One day, out of the blue I planned to go over to a friend’s place for the night, her mother was going to be out of town and we had planned to call our friends over get drunk or high, or both and just chill and catch up.  (Note: This was also the night when I puked for the first time after drinking, I drink a lot but don’t puke. I’d never puked before that and have never puked after that. It was just a sudden whiskey shot {I hate shots!} and it just came up and I puked in my hand, splattered some on my friend’s face too but hey! It’s okay, right?)

We sneaked the guys in around mid-night, they had to jump over a hedge and everything, in order to hide from her neighbours. So by 1-1:30 we had finished a bottle of whiskey
and were done with the second round of joints. With their inhibitions low, one of them was sitting on her bed-crosslegged staring at the wall, my musical friend was strumming on his
guitar, the third one was crushing some stuff for the bong and giggling, another was playing with my hair and pulling it, while I sat on the floor in the weird way that I sit while my friend whose house it was leaned against the wall, her clothes falling off her, her gorgeous hair spilled all over laughing at us.


And then, my musical friend started strumming ‘sutta ‘ (sutta is Hindi, or modernised Hindi for cigarette) , it’s like Indianised, explicitised collegey Summer of 69 or something on those
lines It’s legendary that song!, anywho he started playing it, humming alongside and all of us started singing with him on the top of our lungs. We were screaming (we weren’t supposed to because the neighbours could hear everything and my friend, along with all of us could get into trouble) but we sang. we sang all three verses, the chorus, the guitar riff and we smiled at each other, and we laughed. And God, in that moment I swear we were infinite. It felt so pure and simple. I have sung songs in my hoarse voice hundred of times, but there was something about that moment. I remember looking at each one of them, individually and I could feel them and see the spark in their eyes.
They felt it too, I hope. Jesus, I was content. satisfied. Happy. I wasn’t with all of my ‘official best friends’ (I’m lame, that way.) but was with some of the best of my friends,
I was in a room full of people I loved, I love with all my heart and soul.

I forgot, we forgot about things. About pending assignments, getting screwed, our parents finding out about our whereabouts, about the unpredictable future and deteriorating grades, about hating college and not having girlfriends or boyfriends.
We were high, high enough to feel things we hadn’t felt but not high enough to zone out (that happened later that night!) so that amplified our emotions, but good lord I felt like charlie, when he heard the tunnel song. I had this fleeting thought, where I realised how content I was there, in that moment and that place, It was then and there that I realised that it was home, that those people were home.
That moment was home.

We didn’t do anything monumental, we almost got into very serious trouble, we didn’t do anything illegal (ok. heh. underage drinking and substance abuse doesn’t count.
occasional, recreational drug abuse is okay. okay?) We were just a couple of 18 year olds, with an old guitar and no adult supervision.

And In that moment, I swear we were infinite.

Day 7: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality

I don’t care about Zodiac signs, I’m a Virgo. I know that, beyond that I am clueless about Zodiac signs and I do not believe in them.
My mother on the other hand is a horoscope-fanatic. In a country like mine, where your horoscope is more important than your achievements
I can understand where her fascination stems from.
According to her, she just thinks that it is ‘interesting’ If you insist Ma, If you insist.
Having said that, According to my mother Virgos are painful and unbearable. Her experience with Virgos seems highly limited because I’ve been her only case study and she needs to have a bigger sample study (I’m trying to be all scientific because it’s anything but sciencey, so it’s funny. I’m sorry for my terrible sense of humour). when I told her this, she asked me to look around and see if I know Any ‘Normal Virgo’ (What is normal?) And now, as much as I hate to admit I agree with her because All my friends who were born around my birthday Are a Pain in the Ass, but then I realisIt’s not funny how much they whine and I am the Queen of whiners! So I’ll try not to be painful and unbearable, because I don’t want to be another statistic especially not when it comes to zodiac signs. I mean where is the damn logic?

Also, According to some other people I asked Virgos are obnoxious, loyal (not-promiscious was what they said) and very clean and tidy. And oh, get a load of this they are perfectionists. heh. heh.
Oooops.

I don’t sound very virgo-like. Obnoxious and painful, yep. I admit. But Let’s be honest here Most people my age are unbearable, Most PEOPLE Are unbearable of whichever age.

I personally feel that it;s VERY Stupid, but hey! If it floats your boat then why not! But I’ve a problem with people meeting me, asking me my name and the second thing they want to know is my birthday to gauge my Zodiac sign. It’s infuriating! Why don’t you see for yourself what kind of a person I am, instead of generalising it?
Anywho, I shall read up on Zodiac signs and see if it proves to be correct or if it’s just lucky guesswork.
Will keep you updated Imaginary audience.
Let me know if you think your zodiac sign fits your personality.
Ciao. 😀

The Milk-Carton Kids – Michigan

An Indie-Folk duo from California, the Milk-Carton kids are mindblowing. You can not stop listening, you can not. They are really great.

Michigan by The Milk-Carton Kids is a song that will take you back in time where you had to leave something behind, for good and as much as it hurt you there was nothing you could do about it.

You took the words right out of my mouth
When you knew that I would need them”

These lines really resonate with me.

On terrible days like today (It was a really really crappy day!) this song seems to echo in your veins and the words seep deep into your mind only to remind you of how alone you are and what if you hadn’t left that part of you behind. It was inevitable, leaving it behind but what if you hadn’t? It’s like feeling homeless when you are sitting under a roof, your roof and feeling orphaned with your parents in the next room or feeling lonely in a room full of people.

It’s the sense of loss and longing and nostalgia that is so overpowering, that you end up questioning yourself. Saudade. The immense feeling of loss for something that will never come back.

It reminds me of how I have left over 6 cities and changed so many schools, the last drive out of that town or city. That moment when you know you can visit but you’ll be a visitor and that someone else will reside in your house, and that you question what home is?

That last drive out of the town, when you look at those things you know like the back of your hand for the last time with those eyes and leaving that part of you behind. When you know you need to leave but you don’t want to, when you know it’s the right thing but it hurts so much.

Maybe I’m reading into it, a little A LITTLE too much. But hey, I had a terrible day. I’m allowed to be philosophize and rant.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEDnGAvjQXw

 

What am I supposed to do now, Without you?

PS: Check out their other songs, they are AWESOME!

One Goodbye, Maybe it’s time etc. Listen to them Imaginary audience.

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 6 – Write thirty interesting facts about yourself

1. I have a tiny little mole on my right breast. ( I have no idea why this was the first thing that came to my mind!)

2. I can sleep for over 72 hours at a stretch ( I only need to pee once every 24 hours and a bottle of water next to me)

3. My feet are always dirty. Always. whoop.

4. I detest Starbucks, Costa Coffee and all these super-commercial, super-trendy franchises. I prefer street food. Oh. Oh. Oh and I don’t like I-phones

5. I spend all my money on books, food, lingerie and alcohol. I don’t buy clothes or go to movies like normal people

6. I have a type when it comes to guys. I like them tall, dark and lanky. Yes. Honestly. I have a type.

7. I love lemonade and Water. I love Lemonade and water more than half of the people I am friends with on facebook

8. I can finish a bottle of Whiskey in one hour fifteen minutes and not puke. I’ll just go to sleep.

 

9. I want to fly a plane, drive a train, own a harley davidson, drive a metro, an auto and a truck

 

10. I really really want to meet Eddie Vedder and touch his face. Like touch it, repeatedly. And run my fingers through his hair.

 

11.  I can not lie. I used to, once upon a time I used to lie even when I didn’t have to but not anymore. I can’t. And even When I lie it’s written all over my face that I am lying.

 

12. I like Literotica but have never read mills and boons or 50 shades of grey

 

13. I want to join the politics and travel the world which is impossible unless I steal tax money and use it to travel the world. (hmm. Sounds like a good idea!)

 

14. I swear a lot. In Many languages.

15.  I really want to have sex on the kitchen slab. Really.

 

16.  I have a terrible sense of humour and  I crack really lame jokes but it doesn’t stop me.

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17. I really want to be good at math. I feel the day I understand calculus is the day I’ll solve all the mysteries of the universe. Which I know is really stupid, but hey!  A girl can dream.

 

18.  I know who Syd Barrett is.


19.  I’m hypocritical when it comes to smoking


20. I love the chase. I LOVE THE THRILL OF THE CHASE and yes I can admit it. The real-deal is something that I’ve never experienced, and mostly when that stage arrives I’m already bored and feel trapped and hence, I bail.

 

21.  I love music. Like everyone, I love music. I love music. I listen to classic rock, post rock, progressive rock, country, jazz, pop, trashy pop, cheap D-grade hindi songs and everything in between. I’m the kind of person who would shuffle through my playlist and play a song while I’m face-to-face fighting with someone, because I feel every situation needs a background score, and I try my level best to achieve that. Music like chilly improves everything. Be it sex or a fight (it’s the same thing in some cases!) If you have any music suggestions pleeeease drop in a comment.


22. I sleep with my underwear on which is weird apparently.

 
23. I can not make out or have sex or sit in a room without music. Wait, I think I’ve already mentioned this. eh. Sorry.

 

24. I rebel against almost everything. More often than not it’s unintentional, It’s very hard for me to come to terms with anything and I end up questioning almost everything a little too much which can be a bit of a problem. sometimes. okay, It’s almost ALWAYS a problem.


25. I HATE COLLEGE. Most college going students LOVE college or sometimes the idea of it, I absofuckinglutely loathe the very concept of college and let’s not talk about how horrid I think that place is. Pretentious people who can only talk about these “so-called-intellectual” things, They are such pseudo-everythings. Christ.

 
26. I don’t like making friends, I honest to god don’t like making new friends. I have too many friends to begin with and it’s hard enough keeping a tab on them, so yes. I don’t like making new friends and the fact that I’m anti-social doesn’t help, It just aggravates the situation. As a result I’ve only half a friend in college and I’ve been here for almost a year. Just half a friend.

 

27. You know what do I love to eat? Nails. Fingernails. I’ve not used a nail cutter to cut my fingernails in over ten years. Yep. Disgusting. I know. I grow them and then eat them. Nails. Yumm.

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28. I am super-possessive about my friends and family, LIKE SUPERRRR possessive. And protective. Also, I love taking care of people and worry a little too much when someone is sick or injured.
29. i like washing utensils and clothes but can’t keep my cupboard organised or my room clean

 

 

30. I have slept with two guys, Was in love with the first and I’m half in love with the second one. Unfortunately for me both of them are unaware of it.

 

 

I had made a list like this sometime last year, here’s the link imaginary audience.

http://starspebblesandcolours.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/things-about-me-which-i-thought-were-normal-but-arent/

Day 5 – A time you thought about ending your own life

Imaginary Audience I can assure you , this is going to be super-depressing. You may bail right now, or halfway through it eitherways I will never find out.

Disclaimer: I like to dramatise things a little, please ignore my theatrical skills ( read: the images)


So, A time when I thought about ending my own life. I’ve had very many moments where I’ve thought of ending my life, sometimes I know I’m kidding other times I’ve to convince myself that it will pass. I’m self destructive, have always been so though in the recent past I’m trying really hard to curb this habit, but as you know Imaginary Audience Old habits are harder to break than Iron Bars. Anywho, the moment I read today’s challenge some instances clicked and I’ll mention them briefly.

Through grades sixth, seventh and eighth my father’s friend sexually abused me whenever he visited us, touched me inappropriately, try to kiss me etc etc, So this once in eighth grade he was staying over at our place and I was sleeping in the next room while my brother and my parents slept in the third room, So that night he tried to get inside my bed and tried to force himself upon me. I managed to bite him, hit him and kick him out of my room but the horror never left. That night I wanted to kill myself.

Then once in the ninth grade my parents were fighting and I know parents fight and my parents fight a lot and things got uglier than ever and I was taking care of my younger brother, picking up things my father was breaking, trying to console ma, hoping that the neighbour’s wouldn’t hear and I remember sitting in the toilet wanting to die, wanting to kill myself.

Then this once I was travelling alone to Jodhpur in the train and Was sitting at the door, while the door was open (yes, here in India you can open the train door and smoke, spit, stare or whatever) and the sun was setting and I felt sad ( I think my abandonment issue were acting up, the fuckers!),  but content because I was in a beautiful place and I realised that I could never see all the beautiful places and the future seemed bleak with my depressing college full of snobs, the deteriorating state of music, lack of talent ( I can’t even breathe properly sometimes let alone walk straight) and I would rather burn out than fade away and I wanted to die. I was sad but content and all of sudden I Couldn’t breathe and I was heaving and crying and I felt tired, I felt as though I was forty at eighteen and it was depressing.  You know the need to make your mark, to debate and fight for the right, the need to do the correct thing, I think I left it in that train that day.

I think that was the day I lost my life, the ambition I had in me. I threw it out of the train with my cigarette bud. That was the day I realised how very menial we are, we are nothing but pricks on the planet and we are as likely to help the universe as we are to harm it ( Johngreenreference ) I didn’t want to change the world, or destroy all nuclear weapons, I just wanted to be. I have never recovered. I’m still that girl sitting there, staring at the sunset with the cigarette between my fingers feeling insignificant. It was that epiphany that changed me. Sometimes I still wish I had followed my instinct that day because I’m a disappointment to the society and my lack of interest in the world worries my parents, but then here I am.

Here I am with these mosquitoes sucking the living daylights out of me, with some good, new music in the background. That’s it for now.

Kodaline :D

Flavour of the WeeK (or maybe the next ten years) *drumroll* Kodaline !

Previously known as 21 Demands, Kodaline is an Irish Rock Band and GOODLORD they are Amazing! ( I’m a firm believer of random capitalisation 😉 ) They sound a lot like Coldplay and One Republic but despite that there is something refreshing about them, maybe it’s the fact that they’re not auto-tuned. The vocalist is mind blowing, I like him better than I liked Chris Martin ( No offence, Imaginary Audience!) The Music is GREAT and oh the lyrics! :’)

Kodaline is perfect for those late nights when you feel nostalgic or those long drives in the country.

All I want, Talk, High Hopes, one day are some awesome tracks to begin with, Imaginary audience you must check them out! I’m open to suggestions 🙂

Not all music out there is trashy, look for good music and you’ll find it.

All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door

Before I forget ‘ All I want ‘ by Kodaline is the soundtrack for The Fault in our stars film, based on a book by John Green ( who is one of my favourite authors and this is my second favourite book by Green!)

Go on, FanGirl people. 😀

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