happy birthday banana

It’s my ex-roommate’s birthday on the 24th and I wrote this little something for her. 

I am also in the process of making a sketch, a scrap book, wrapping some gifts and writing a letter. Ideas are welcome. 

 

so here’s what I wrote:

 

Happy Birthday Banana 

 

As the mist envelops us

and secrets are whispered

your feet thaw the ice in my toes

my heart

your words settling the demons in my head

clasped together – our hands, our brains.

friends, roommates, people, humans?

you yell, I bang the door

you go to sleep, I walk out

 4 AM half-asleep, dreaming together

over analyzing  to-be-uttered words

7:18 PM walking in the rain

reeking of rum

praying to the old man above

the god we don’t believe in

you raise your voice, 

I raise mine

things shatter, but  get back together

glances, smiles and shrugs

shunning the obvious

reading each other’s mind

good morning sunshine, 

wake up and shine.

I never knew mornings could be so loud

and who knew I could make your mornings hell?

The morning after, the I-regrets.

The cursing, the nursing 

the promises which we meant to break

the fuck-ups which weren’t supposed to happen

the people who arent supposed to change your life so much

are the ones who alter it. Forever. 

hairpins, earrings, dresses, long tresses

the “do I look okays?”

 sentences, you can complete mine

and I, yours 

Words, stolen from their vocab

I, perenially late

 you, always early

my period, always on time

let’s not talk about yours

your beautiful, oh-so-annoying, perpetually there smile

made it easier to wake up

a little easier,

 it made long, blue days

seem fine

it made stupid boys

seem tolerable

it made the open house 

hilarious

25 hours of the day, 

were spent along your shadow

and now I’ve not seen you in 25

25 days.

 

 

 

 

In retrospect

Existing, that’s all I am doing right now. Due to my privileged background survival isn’t an issue, my parents will go out of their way to ensure that I survive. I’m not making the most of it, I’m not working at any NGO or doing a worthwhile internship or whatever but I’m happy. I’m as happy as an 18 year old boy with his girlfriend on his lap. Okay. maybe not that happy, but I’m good. I’m reading, eating and listening to some damn good stuff, I am writing trash by the moment, spending time with my mother and my dog, following the world cup. I’m oblivious to all the sorrow and pain in the world.

But then in moments I really want to go back a few years in time, because you know first world problems. Since we are so complacent we need to find something to whine about and hence, I want to go back in time. To a place where everything was familiar. I miss the rut, not school I didn’t like school but I liked the people I used to go to school to. Despite the drama and the nonsense ( I Know it seems easier in the retrospect, but maybe it wasn’t all that hard you know?) I miss seeing those familiar faces, I miss knowing what the other person was about to say, I miss the warmth ( and by warmth, I DO NOT mean the Delhi heat. oooh) I miss the routine, the not-so-great expectations, I miss having everyone a phone call or 5 kms away, I miss my friends not messing around with superscary drugs that I thought only existed in TV shows and books, I miss my friends being sober sometimes and caring, I miss waking up knowing I’ll meet them all and see himself, I miss himself walking me to my bus or picking me up from my place, I miss my best friends just landing up at my place and the comfortable silence.

I miss the long conversations, the lazy mornings, the happy times, I miss making plans which would never come true. I just miss it, and It’s a 3 second thing, when I miss them but goodness gracious it hits me harder than the Delhi heat (No, my room is not air conditioned. I have a lousy fan which functions only when there is electricity. GOOGLE DELHI Temperature, google it now. )

It will be okay, and It is okay and it is just a matter of three second and I just wanted to rant.