30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 6 – Write thirty interesting facts about yourself

1. I have a tiny little mole on my right breast. ( I have no idea why this was the first thing that came to my mind!)

2. I can sleep for over 72 hours at a stretch ( I only need to pee once every 24 hours and a bottle of water next to me)

3. My feet are always dirty. Always. whoop.

4. I detest Starbucks, Costa Coffee and all these super-commercial, super-trendy franchises. I prefer street food. Oh. Oh. Oh and I don’t like I-phones

5. I spend all my money on books, food, lingerie and alcohol. I don’t buy clothes or go to movies like normal people

6. I have a type when it comes to guys. I like them tall, dark and lanky. Yes. Honestly. I have a type.

7. I love lemonade and Water. I love Lemonade and water more than half of the people I am friends with on facebook

8. I can finish a bottle of Whiskey in one hour fifteen minutes and not puke. I’ll just go to sleep.

 

9. I want to fly a plane, drive a train, own a harley davidson, drive a metro, an auto and a truck

 

10. I really really want to meet Eddie Vedder and touch his face. Like touch it, repeatedly. And run my fingers through his hair.

 

11.  I can not lie. I used to, once upon a time I used to lie even when I didn’t have to but not anymore. I can’t. And even When I lie it’s written all over my face that I am lying.

 

12. I like Literotica but have never read mills and boons or 50 shades of grey

 

13. I want to join the politics and travel the world which is impossible unless I steal tax money and use it to travel the world. (hmm. Sounds like a good idea!)

 

14. I swear a lot. In Many languages.

15.  I really want to have sex on the kitchen slab. Really.

 

16.  I have a terrible sense of humour and  I crack really lame jokes but it doesn’t stop me.

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17. I really want to be good at math. I feel the day I understand calculus is the day I’ll solve all the mysteries of the universe. Which I know is really stupid, but hey!  A girl can dream.

 

18.  I know who Syd Barrett is.


19.  I’m hypocritical when it comes to smoking


20. I love the chase. I LOVE THE THRILL OF THE CHASE and yes I can admit it. The real-deal is something that I’ve never experienced, and mostly when that stage arrives I’m already bored and feel trapped and hence, I bail.

 

21.  I love music. Like everyone, I love music. I love music. I listen to classic rock, post rock, progressive rock, country, jazz, pop, trashy pop, cheap D-grade hindi songs and everything in between. I’m the kind of person who would shuffle through my playlist and play a song while I’m face-to-face fighting with someone, because I feel every situation needs a background score, and I try my level best to achieve that. Music like chilly improves everything. Be it sex or a fight (it’s the same thing in some cases!) If you have any music suggestions pleeeease drop in a comment.


22. I sleep with my underwear on which is weird apparently.

 
23. I can not make out or have sex or sit in a room without music. Wait, I think I’ve already mentioned this. eh. Sorry.

 

24. I rebel against almost everything. More often than not it’s unintentional, It’s very hard for me to come to terms with anything and I end up questioning almost everything a little too much which can be a bit of a problem. sometimes. okay, It’s almost ALWAYS a problem.


25. I HATE COLLEGE. Most college going students LOVE college or sometimes the idea of it, I absofuckinglutely loathe the very concept of college and let’s not talk about how horrid I think that place is. Pretentious people who can only talk about these “so-called-intellectual” things, They are such pseudo-everythings. Christ.

 
26. I don’t like making friends, I honest to god don’t like making new friends. I have too many friends to begin with and it’s hard enough keeping a tab on them, so yes. I don’t like making new friends and the fact that I’m anti-social doesn’t help, It just aggravates the situation. As a result I’ve only half a friend in college and I’ve been here for almost a year. Just half a friend.

 

27. You know what do I love to eat? Nails. Fingernails. I’ve not used a nail cutter to cut my fingernails in over ten years. Yep. Disgusting. I know. I grow them and then eat them. Nails. Yumm.

nckbcksb
28. I am super-possessive about my friends and family, LIKE SUPERRRR possessive. And protective. Also, I love taking care of people and worry a little too much when someone is sick or injured.
29. i like washing utensils and clothes but can’t keep my cupboard organised or my room clean

 

 

30. I have slept with two guys, Was in love with the first and I’m half in love with the second one. Unfortunately for me both of them are unaware of it.

 

 

I had made a list like this sometime last year, here’s the link imaginary audience.

https://starspebblesandcolours.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/things-about-me-which-i-thought-were-normal-but-arent/

Day 5 – A time you thought about ending your own life

Imaginary Audience I can assure you , this is going to be super-depressing. You may bail right now, or halfway through it eitherways I will never find out.

Disclaimer: I like to dramatise things a little, please ignore my theatrical skills ( read: the images)


So, A time when I thought about ending my own life. I’ve had very many moments where I’ve thought of ending my life, sometimes I know I’m kidding other times I’ve to convince myself that it will pass. I’m self destructive, have always been so though in the recent past I’m trying really hard to curb this habit, but as you know Imaginary Audience Old habits are harder to break than Iron Bars. Anywho, the moment I read today’s challenge some instances clicked and I’ll mention them briefly.

Through grades sixth, seventh and eighth my father’s friend sexually abused me whenever he visited us, touched me inappropriately, try to kiss me etc etc, So this once in eighth grade he was staying over at our place and I was sleeping in the next room while my brother and my parents slept in the third room, So that night he tried to get inside my bed and tried to force himself upon me. I managed to bite him, hit him and kick him out of my room but the horror never left. That night I wanted to kill myself.

Then once in the ninth grade my parents were fighting and I know parents fight and my parents fight a lot and things got uglier than ever and I was taking care of my younger brother, picking up things my father was breaking, trying to console ma, hoping that the neighbour’s wouldn’t hear and I remember sitting in the toilet wanting to die, wanting to kill myself.

Then this once I was travelling alone to Jodhpur in the train and Was sitting at the door, while the door was open (yes, here in India you can open the train door and smoke, spit, stare or whatever) and the sun was setting and I felt sad ( I think my abandonment issue were acting up, the fuckers!),  but content because I was in a beautiful place and I realised that I could never see all the beautiful places and the future seemed bleak with my depressing college full of snobs, the deteriorating state of music, lack of talent ( I can’t even breathe properly sometimes let alone walk straight) and I would rather burn out than fade away and I wanted to die. I was sad but content and all of sudden I Couldn’t breathe and I was heaving and crying and I felt tired, I felt as though I was forty at eighteen and it was depressing.  You know the need to make your mark, to debate and fight for the right, the need to do the correct thing, I think I left it in that train that day.

I think that was the day I lost my life, the ambition I had in me. I threw it out of the train with my cigarette bud. That was the day I realised how very menial we are, we are nothing but pricks on the planet and we are as likely to help the universe as we are to harm it ( Johngreenreference ) I didn’t want to change the world, or destroy all nuclear weapons, I just wanted to be. I have never recovered. I’m still that girl sitting there, staring at the sunset with the cigarette between my fingers feeling insignificant. It was that epiphany that changed me. Sometimes I still wish I had followed my instinct that day because I’m a disappointment to the society and my lack of interest in the world worries my parents, but then here I am.

Here I am with these mosquitoes sucking the living daylights out of me, with some good, new music in the background. That’s it for now.

Kodaline :D

Flavour of the WeeK (or maybe the next ten years) *drumroll* Kodaline !

Previously known as 21 Demands, Kodaline is an Irish Rock Band and GOODLORD they are Amazing! ( I’m a firm believer of random capitalisation 😉 ) They sound a lot like Coldplay and One Republic but despite that there is something refreshing about them, maybe it’s the fact that they’re not auto-tuned. The vocalist is mind blowing, I like him better than I liked Chris Martin ( No offence, Imaginary Audience!) The Music is GREAT and oh the lyrics! :’)

Kodaline is perfect for those late nights when you feel nostalgic or those long drives in the country.

All I want, Talk, High Hopes, one day are some awesome tracks to begin with, Imaginary audience you must check them out! I’m open to suggestions 🙂

Not all music out there is trashy, look for good music and you’ll find it.

All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door

Before I forget ‘ All I want ‘ by Kodaline is the soundtrack for The Fault in our stars film, based on a book by John Green ( who is one of my favourite authors and this is my second favourite book by Green!)

Go on, FanGirl people. 😀

A pensive girl in a library

Do you ever sit in a library and cry? Cry because there are so many beautiful books in the world and we don’t have enough time to read them all, because the pages are yellowing and the words are being forgotten by the moment. Because the world is whizzing past and the books wait endlessly till you succumb to ashes. Do you ever wonder if you’ll get time to read all the books you want to read and all the places you want to see. Does it ever happen while browsing through sections of the library you find a book you had issued but never read, a book you had been wanting to read for years but couldn’t find it, till that very moment when you finally come across it, it’s smiling at you and you want to cry. Do you ever smell the yellowing, crumbling pages and smile at them because here are words that have changed your life and a hundred other lives, and here are words that have made you the person you are and have shown you the person you want to be.

30 DAY WRITING CHALLENGE: DAY 4- YOUR VIEWS ON RELIGION

“Religion is easy”

 

I dislike studying Indian History, I don’t mind reading it and I love knowing things but studying Indian History was something I was always terrible at. I could never remember the dates or the ‘key words’. Though despite that ‘Mughal History’ was something that I always liked. So today my best friend and I went to Jama Masjid ( which to quote wikipedia is the ‘Principle Mosque of Old Delhi’.) My best friend is in town so I took her to Chandni Chowk to have some kick-ass food (read: Kebabs. Delicious, delicious Kebabs :’D) and show her around. She being a history buff has this need to go and visit all the monuments possible and Delhi being Delhi, she was thrilled. Let’s fast-forward, We were standing outside Jama Masjid but were reluctant to enter because we didn’t have anything to cover our heads with, so we were wondering what to do. There was this old man standing next to the gate, he was selling skull caps and other souvenirs, so we asked him if we could enter the mosque without covering our head. He told us that you can buy something from me to cover your head but it’s up to you, We were broke so we asked him if we absolutely had to cover our heads because despite being not-so-religious, hurting religious sentiments wasn’t our aim and the place was too gorgeous to be disrespectful.

Image

 

Anywho, that learned ancient man said something I’ll never forget, He said “Religion is easy” (” Dharam Aasaan hai beta”) and I realised maybe for him it is, maybe it is all about his god for him. In that moment it did seem simple. Maybe it is. I’m not sympathizing with people who commit atrocities in the name of religion here, I think they do not deserve to live (well, some of them) but the idea that maybe it is simple and we being the complex beings that we are, we like to complicate it, abuse it, politicize it, misinterpret it.

Yes, there are religious texts which say some horrid and strange things and I fail to understand the logic behind them, but you don’t have to take everything literally. We all enter this world and we leave it, and we get one shot to do all we want. Who knows if we will ever reincarnate or Attain Nirvana or Go to Heaven or Hell or anything, Why can’t we just want to be happy?

Why can’t we try and be a little more content with what we have, because Honestly, It does make things easier.

“Earth to earth, Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes”

“For Dust you are, to Dust you’ll return”

Yes, I’m quoting the Bible here (i’ve not read it) but this is what all religious texts say, mean.

All we are is a Dust, and Dust is what we’ll ever be. We’re tiny speckles of dust in the universe, we are pricks in this universe. We can never help or harm it, all we can do is try and be happy and bring some happiness to others.

Right now, Today the biggest day of the staggered Indian Elections, A quarter of the Indian Population voted. 815 million people voted, My country a country which runs on religion. Where Religion is politics and Politics is religion, the greatest democracy in the world, might be run by someone who doesn’t believe in Secularity, which in itself is a very scary thought. Not that the oh-so-secular government did any wonders, except maybe wonderfully stealing money from we the people but in a country as diverse as this, An irrational, mass-murdering bigot can not be made to sit at the center. I’m very worried because whatever the outcome, people will suffer and the purpose of democracy is lost because how can you choose between three options one of which is happy being complacent, no not complacent but invisible, saying nothing, doing nothing barring stealing Tax payers’ money; the other one which promotes one religion, (runs on a philosophy which has lost it’s essence over the centuries and has been turned into this crap ass shite which they think is justified for killing people) is intolerant, STUPID ( I mean it, I mean he wanted to declare war on a neighbouring country because 3 Jawans lost their life, I’m not defending their action but killing hundreds of thousands,’ claiming to have declared war if you were in power’ because you are too egotistical and irrational to come up with something reasonable is being stupid. I would like to ask you Mr., Would you have said the same if those Jawans weren’t Hindus?) and crude; the third option is of choosing an Idealist, an anarchist in some ways, An oppurtunist like Nehru some might say, a man who was strong enough to resign instead of giving in and giving up his ideals, but a man who is also not a competent leader. So where does that leave us? The greatest democracy in the World, a country of over 1.2 billion people? What do we do?

Sorry for the rant, From history to jama masjid to religion to Indian politics. Eh. Imaginary Audience, There’s a lot going on in this head. My sincere apologies.

LOVE 😀

Don’t let me down

DON’T LET ME DOWN. TING DI DI DING DING, DON’T LET ME DOWN.:D

OH BEATLES. :’)

This song undoubtedly, is one of my favorite Beatles’ song. I can imagine Lennon’s knees half bent, that beautiful-love struck-but-pained expression on his face, while clenching his fingers in the air with his quivering jaw and moist eyes, yelling,” Don’t let me down!” at Yoko Ono, who is hazy in a white flowy dress while sad.

he smiles at him.

i just cannot seem to get that image out of my head.

SO Yesterday during one of my lectures in college, we were discussing the “whether the Subalterns can speak for themselves” and while everyone in my class, continued to put forth their opinion about the it, all I could think about was How could Chapman Kill Lennon?

That was all that went about in my head, while everyone talked about the real world issues. How could he have done that? I felt like an asshole, but somehow I actually enjoyed the conversation in my head a lot more than the class discussion. It’s not like I am disinterested, I care a lot and I am interested but I think talking about it won’t help and also, music makes me a lot happier than worthless discussions which are forgotten in a minute. I would rather go out and do something than talk about it. Back to Lennon, How could Chapman have killed him? Why is it so that most part of the brilliant music that is created, goes unnoticed in today’s world? The world is an extremely unfair place.

I am such an asshole.

Nobody ever loved me like she does, Oh she does..