I wrote about the need to leave, A few posts ago. I’d like to elaborate on it.
To leave is pleasure. It’s the journey till the point right before you leave, which is hard. All the planning, the deciding, the choices that you make That is nerve wracking. No one is resistant, no one is is immune to that feeling of nostalgia, and that fear of starting afresh. It’s scary starting anew, It’s intimidating each time but that’s the thrill, you can break free of all the ties, you can break out the walls that have held you captive for so long, you can dream again, dream new, dream upside down, dream monochrome or in technicolor.
You are never one person, you are different persons in different places,at various stages of the clock. You are everything to someone one day, invisible the next. You are everyone and the next minute you are a another bystander glancing their way; someone they’ve never seen before, someone they are curious to know. Once the curiosity dies, your collective importance begins to diminish, opinions are fixed, the excitement is over, adrenaline is replaced by estrogen, feelings come into play. Yes, I know curiosity killed the cat but it also gave way to the workings of science.
Leaving is a science, an art. Only the toughest can leave, or the weakest. Nothing in the middle ever can. Leaving isn’t moderate, it isn’t neutral, it’s not the safe path, nor the right thing to do. It’s extreme impulsive, stupid at times. It’s for the downtrodden and the dreamers, It’s for the young or the very old. Leaving is liberating in more ways than one. But those who leave can never stay too long especially with those who stay because either can’t survive with another. The difference is magnetic, it’s compelling, it binds them together but the gap is too much to cover. In the bargain one spirit shatters and the other hardens and neither is in a better place than the other.
To leave is for you and you alone, It’s not a choice but need, Home isn’t a house, it’s hearth, it’s where your head is at the moment. A distant city can be home to me, even when I’ve never been in it’s 100 mile radius.
To travel and to leave are two different things. Don’t confuse them. To travel is to see the world and come back home, and to leave is to leave a home and make another one wherever you go. They don’t know what it’s like to seek comfort in others, in things unknown, in people alien, in cities new and terrifying.. It’s the adrenaline, the fear, the high.
To leave is to be free.
and I leave, every now and then. I’m free. I’m happy.