when you create a mess.
 A mess so utterly impossible to decipher, So impossible to clear.
When you know that you are totally completely and royally screwed.
When you know what you are doing, and you know that it’s not right but you are stupid enough to do it anyway.
When you know what you want and you know that you can’t get it, so you tell your self that there are plenty of fish in the pond and you try to compensate with someone else, and you fail.
Fail miserably.
When you enter a room, and you need that one person to look at you, so you feel that you exist. that one person only. No one and nothing else can make up for it. When you look for a person from the corner of your eyes, in a crowd and breathe when you finally lay your eyes upon up.
When you fuck up so bad. SO bad. and you know that there is no way out and all you can do is wait.
 Wait. . endlessly. hopelessly. for something that will never happen.
yeah.
life sucks.
 supposedly it goes on as well. it is going on, well kinda. but i’d rather it comes to a full stop than move on like this

What I want.

Most people around me are so sure of what they want to do with their life. Whether good or bad, Lucrative or not, They sound so Sure and It freaks me out. I’m seventeen. I’ve been on this planet for 17 years and that is absolutely nothing, how am I supposed to know What I want to do for the rest of my life. How am I supposed to know what I want to do everyday for every year, for the rest of my life. Right now I should be focusing on getting out of a school, and not about getting into another one. I mean one moment I’m struggling with calculus and the next I’ve to make these major, life-altering decisions. What Do I know about Life anyway?

I’ve not seen anything beyond the front and the back of my porch.

It’s unnerving. I know what I don’t want to do, I’ve always been very sure of that but What I don’t know is what I want. I want to do too many things, and then not do them at all.

I mean I suppose for all of us, there are things that we should do, things which will give us the base, the foundation we need, the right things to do AND then there are things which are Next to impossible, waving at us, smiling at us and we know they aren’t wrong but impossible and they are dreams, and it’s scary going for them.

It’s funny how they show in movies, when someone has a suck-ass professional life and then they take up something they are really passionate about and their business begins to flourish, It’s utter bullshit. I mean we spend our life spinning dreams, making up conversations and scenarios in our head but they never really work out.

Things happen, along the same path occasionally but It’s never exactly what we want, but then again do we really know what we want?

I like and want to do everything that is new and shiny, I’m like a 3 year old. Anything that sounds fun and interesting, I want to do it. What I tend to forget is the path to reach that bloody point. It’s fun and shiny for THEM, because they are through with all the donkey work and Now Things are smooth.

Don’t we all want to smooth bit and the working hard bit is what we all want to ignore, Atleast I do it. I suppose when I grow up a little, see the world some more maybe then I’ll understand.

I’m not sure of what I want, most of the 8 billion residing on the planet aren’t, but I don’t want to end up as another statistic.

but then again, most of the 8 billion people residing on the planet want the same,right?