When do you stop loving?

Is it when I don’t see your name in my call log

or when I start calling you by your first name?

Is it when long nights are made longer because there is no one to talk to

or when you look away?

Is it when I can’t smell you on my clothes anymore

Or when your number begins to slip from my mind?

Is it when I stop thinking of you

Or when I stop dreaming of your eyes?

Is it when I don’t recognize the expression on your face

or when you have your hands around her waist?

Is it when I haven’t seen you in nine months

or when you haven’t kissed me in eleven?

Is it when you are no longer the voice whispering in my ear

or when he sings our song and I hum along?

Is it when everything seems smaller because I can’t tell you about it

Or is it when I try not think of you when I wake up?

Is it when I hope the timing was wrong

or is it when I hope the chemistry was amiss?

Is it when I sleep with his breath on my neck

Or is it when your words leave my head?

Is it when you lie to me

or is it when you walk away?

When do I stop loving you?

Is it when you give up on me

or is it when I give in?

 

You left, you were right

now let go of my mind

Stop growing in, filling the vessels

the veins, the words

When do you stop loving?

When do I stop loving you?

He calls me magic

The stars – invisible

Hidden behind the clouds,

the smoke, the noise

but your eyes

brighter than Sirius

on a summer midnight

Your eyes follow 

follow the crack of my knuckle

My thumb rubbing my ring,

putting my hair back

The hot wind blows

but it seems cool

against the droplets of sweat

on your forehead, along your brow

Your fingers touch my wrist,

my lips, my words

Somewhere in me,

the universe explodes

but the stars dance in front of my eyes

when you whisper the name of the song

I’d been humming, but couldn’t remember

your breath on my shoulder, my neck

my ears 

and the sudden nip

A grin appears, 

soars through my lungs to my throat

Things fade, merge into the background,

cease to exist

My hand across your chest, stomach,

Over your contour

the rise and fall of your breaths

Your bones

you shiver, stare and stop

you put it to your mouth

I feel the weight of a hundred words

on my fingertips

My lips against your,

your day old stubble

and the smooth patches

The tiny mole on your lower lid, your left cheek

the curve of your brow, the slope of your nose

and your mouth which tastes like sunshine

 and sounds like the sea

like the sea it can wreck havoc

It ravages me, It fights with me

It fights for me

It’s denies, accepts. It’s endless

 

A drop of water across the edge of your eye

and those eyes..

..  your eyes trace my body

the glint of my ring, the hair on my brown arms, 

your marks on my shoulder, along my nape

the  pink of my breast, glistening

the skin, the bones, the layers

the scares

Along the stretch marks and scars

Your beautiful mahogany

against my ordinary ordinary

 

 

The sky turns grey, then pink

now blue

Your hair lightens, as the sun goes up

I run my fingers through

A sigh,  A smile and a brush of nerve-endings

you trace circles on my knees 

and I knit dreams in your hair

You kiss my elbows, my palm

You call me magic

and I drown, I drown in the wonder that’s you

Am I your creation or are you mine?

Where are the dragons, the violins?

Because we are enveloped by silence

whispers and glances.

I’m no magic, I’m just a woman

But you, 

I look and I look for ordinary in you

the heave of your chest and soft hair,

the lines around your eyes, 

and your hands, 

those hands make the world spin

the rough edges, the things they say

they do.

I inhale in your smell, your taste

my hair smells of smoke and dust

but my fingers are laced with love

Your arms along my handles, my weight

.. and so I surrender. 

 

Say the word, stop the chase

No thunder, no Rainstorms

No words, No smirks

Is this here to stay?

happy birthday banana

It’s my ex-roommate’s birthday on the 24th and I wrote this little something for her. 

I am also in the process of making a sketch, a scrap book, wrapping some gifts and writing a letter. Ideas are welcome. 

 

so here’s what I wrote:

 

Happy Birthday Banana 

 

As the mist envelops us

and secrets are whispered

your feet thaw the ice in my toes

my heart

your words settling the demons in my head

clasped together – our hands, our brains.

friends, roommates, people, humans?

you yell, I bang the door

you go to sleep, I walk out

 4 AM half-asleep, dreaming together

over analyzing  to-be-uttered words

7:18 PM walking in the rain

reeking of rum

praying to the old man above

the god we don’t believe in

you raise your voice, 

I raise mine

things shatter, but  get back together

glances, smiles and shrugs

shunning the obvious

reading each other’s mind

good morning sunshine, 

wake up and shine.

I never knew mornings could be so loud

and who knew I could make your mornings hell?

The morning after, the I-regrets.

The cursing, the nursing 

the promises which we meant to break

the fuck-ups which weren’t supposed to happen

the people who arent supposed to change your life so much

are the ones who alter it. Forever. 

hairpins, earrings, dresses, long tresses

the “do I look okays?”

 sentences, you can complete mine

and I, yours 

Words, stolen from their vocab

I, perenially late

 you, always early

my period, always on time

let’s not talk about yours

your beautiful, oh-so-annoying, perpetually there smile

made it easier to wake up

a little easier,

 it made long, blue days

seem fine

it made stupid boys

seem tolerable

it made the open house 

hilarious

25 hours of the day, 

were spent along your shadow

and now I’ve not seen you in 25

25 days.